The Things Nick Banned Us to Do
by EpicKiya
Summary: Each of the members of the Avengers have a list of things they're not supposed to do by Nick Fury. Of course, it doesn't stop them from being the crazy team that they are. How in the world is Fury still sane? (NOW COMPLETED, MY FRIENDS!)
1. Clint Barton

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Summary: Each of the members of the Avengers have a list of things they're not supposed to do by Nick Fury. Of course, it doesn't stop them from being the crazy team that they are. How in the world is Fury still sane?**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Avengers or other Marvel characters and merchandise and songs that appear. Just little OCs that pop up now and then.**

 **Notes: Well, everyone else did a "things they're not allowed to do" thing, so I wanted to give it a shot. Also, Phil is ALIVE in these. Yeah, yeah, died in the first Avengers, but was in the show. I don't know what came first, I don't care, and Phil is staying. Love Phil, man!**

 **And one more thing to add. This isn't the sequel to "The Hammer Deems You Worthy!". I'm working on that. But this fic does take place after.**

 **Warnings: *groans* I hate doing these things. There's yaoi (Thundershield and Science Bros), mention of mpreg, cussing, Tony and Clint's antics, randomness, mature content, and some violence. Is that it? *thinks* Pretty much.**

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Avenger 1 – Clint Barton

1\. Clint's not allowed to sing any songs that don't pertain to the issue at hand.

The Avengers had another meeting on the Helicarrier. It was to discuss a mission in Seoul about a nuclear attack. There was a new rising of a HYDRA group, something Steve especially didn't appreciate. Nick was going over the plans and routes when there was a soft humming sound at one spot of the table.

"What does the fox say? Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! What does the fox say?!"

"BARTON!"

The archer stopped singing, looking at the one-eyed man with wide eyes. "What? Did I do something?"

"Did you- Really, Agent Barton?"

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2\. He's not allowed to sing any songs that pertain to Steve, Thor, or their relationship.

The team had now finished their mission, all six dirty from fighting horrid minions and robots. Natasha was laying on the ground, eyes closed as she decided to breathe. Bruce was in Hulk mode, sitting beside her as Tony was laid on his shoulder with his helmet up. Thor and Captain America, who now had his mask ripped off, was sitting beside each other. As for Hawkeye, the dude was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, anyone see Hawkeye?", Steve asked, looking around. Natasha opened her eyes at the question. "I last seen him on the top of one of those buildings. "Maybe he's having one more look over.", Thor guessed, rubbing his forehead. The smaller blonde beside him noticed a cut on his forehead. "Aaahhhh, Thor. You have a cut on your forehead."

The soldier tilted the god's head to him. He swiped away the flowing blood, taking a ripped article of Thor's cape to apply pressure to the cut. The god smiled, placing his hand on Steve's cheek and rubbing his thumb under his eye. "You're so caring, beloved."

"I try.", the other giggled. The two inched closer for a kiss, but was interrupted by a "TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE! I SEE THE SEXY LOOK IN YOUR EYES! JUST TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE!"

Thor took his hammer and threw it towards where Clint was standing. "DAMN YOU, BARTON!"

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3\. He's not allowed to bring rope to grocery stores anymore.

It was a fairly normal day. Since they ran out of a few things at the Tower, Sam and Steve volunteered to go to the store. Clint went with them.

"Okay. So we have the Pop Tarts, sugar, milk, paper towels…", Steve muttered, reading and checking off the list. Sam stood beside him looking at two different brands of chocolate. "Hmmm…. I can't choose."

"Put the Grand back and get Hersey.", the captain suggested. Sam nodded, doing so. When he walked away, he was stopped by a lasso of rope grabbing onto a box of cereal. "YEAH!"

The duo looked to see Clint standing on top of one of the shelves with a rope in his hand. One of the employees saw. "Um… sir? Can you get down from there?"

"But why, partner?", the archer questioned in a cowboy accent.

Steve face palmed himself.

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4\. He's not allowed to _play_ songs pertaining to Steve and Thor's relationship.

For once, the archer was quietly sitting down in the den. In his hands was a tablet Tony had gotten him, playing a game on it. Bruce had walked into the den seeing Steve and Thor there as well. The couple was sitting in the loveseat watching something on the TV. "Hey, guys.", the doctor greeted. Steve waved to him before planting himself in the god's lap.

Thor had let out a deep chuckle, snaking his arm around the other's waist. Steve blushed when Thor moved his hips against his own. "Thor…"

"What?"

The soldier leaned up to kiss his boyfriend until a song played.

 **I can't control the way I'm movin' my hips**  
 **Bet you never ever seen it like this**

 **I'm a monster on the floor, I can't quit**

 **Now I know it's automatic, it's automatic**

The couple turned to see Clint smirking at them with his tablet playing Nicki Minaj's 'Automatic'.

Thor gave him a death glare.

"Damn... you... Clinton... Barton..."

Bruce had questioned why Clint even had Nicki Minaj on his playlist.

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5\. Clint's not allowed to make bird sounds while shooting arrows.

The team was fighting off another threat, this time in DC. It was another alien attack by some not-known villian. It wasn't a huge army, but it still tough to defeat.

Steve ducked from a blast, using his shield to sweep the alien from under its feet. Natasha came behind him with one of the guns she had gotten and ended the alien with it. "Still about twenty of these things to go.", she panted, knocking out an upcoming alien.

Cap nodded, dodging one and smashing its head through a window. "Hopefully, that's it."

From behind them, an alien had shrieked to announced its presence, but before it could attack, an arrow went through its head. The duo looked up to see Clinton shooting arrows on an abducted hoverboard. "I'm a bird motherfucker! Caw caw!"

Even Hulk stopped fighting to look at the archer as he continuously shot arrows while cawing like a bird.

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 **So there's the first character list of Clinton Barton aka Hawkeye!**

 **Who shall be next? *gives evil laugh***

 **Review!**


	2. Natasha Romanoff

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Look back to the first chapter to know what the summary, disclaimer, notes, and warnings are.**

 **Now who's up next?**

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Avenger 2 - Natasha Romanoff

1\. Natasha isn't allowed to suggest anything to Bruce.

The doctor was looking through the selection of DVDs, not sure of what movie to watch. Tony was sitting on the couch, already eating the popcorn he had cooked. "Need help?"

Bruce gave a little pout, looking at the title of each movie. "Yeah. I'm not sure what to pick."

"How about this?", Natasha asked, popping out of nowhere. Bruce looked at the movie in her hands and blushed. "You realize this movie has a lot of sex in it?"

The redhead smirked. "I know." Tony was silently sporting a nosebleed on the sofa with explicit scenes running through his head.

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2\. She's not allowed to bring Pepper to any meetings.

Nick Fury was going over a few things with a new project SHIELD was working on. Just for the hell of it, Natasha had decided to have Pepper tag along with her. The duo listened on to what Nick was saying, looking at the layouts that was scattered on the table.

As he went over the materials needed, Natasha drew Pepper's attention to where two certain blondes sat very close, conversing over the plan.

"Aaaawww... they're just so cute!", the older woman cooed.

"I know. Just look at how they talk to each other." The two continued to watch as Thor and Steve talked. At one point, Thor over, putting an arm around the smaller blonde's shoulders. The redhead duo squealed out of spite, drawing Nick's glare to them. "Agent Romanoff, Miss Potts. Is there something you two like to share?"

The two shook their heads, but continued their inner fangirling.

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3\. She's not allowed to bring any electronic device that is capable of capturing pictures or recording to meetings.

Since Pepper got banned to sitting at the meeting table for a while, Natasha had decided to capture every little moment of Thor and Steve for her. Nick was beginning to question his choice in agents as he watched Natasha film the couple on her cell.

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4\. She can not give clothes to Bruce.

Bruce was in usual place in the lab. Not a few feet was Steve who was sketching a random picture in his pad. Both were quiet, listening to the music that played through the stereo.

Suddenly, there was a sudden yelp from the brunet, causing the blonde to turn around. "Bruce, you okay?" Bruce nodded, now holding his shirt away from his skin. "Yeah. Just spilled a little something on my shirt. I'm fine though."

Steve closed his pad, standing up to walk out the room. "I can go get you a shirt if you-"

"I GOT IT!" Natasha, once again, popped out of nowhere, a black tee in her hands. "Here you go, Bruce.", she smiled. The doctor blinked, but took the shirt anyways. "Thanks, Nat."

He changed into the shirt, noticing how it was just slightly too big for him and there happened to be a chibi Iron Man on it, but it didn't matter. Rather clothed than shirtless.

Natasha smiled, taking a seat next to the captain who was watching her. "Nat... are you planning something."

"Nope.", she answered quickly. A few seconds later, Tony came into the lab. "Hey, just wondering if-"

He stopped short when he saw Bruce. His face went blank and red, making the other concerned. "Tony, are you okay?"

Instead of a verbal answer, Tony collapsed on the floor with a nosebleed. Steve ended up scowling Natasha this time.

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4\. She's not allowed to think about songs related to a phrase of words.

It was a pretty sane morning to start with. Everyone woken up at their usual times in their usual sleeping clothes.

Steve had already started cooking breakfast, an apron over his baggy white tee and pants. Bruce was sitting at the counter cutting fruit for the soldier. Clint and Sam was sitting at the kitchen table with their heads down on it.

Natasha had just walked in, clad in black PJs. Tony trailing behind her.

"Yo, everybody!", the billionaire greeted, starting up some coffee. "Morning, Tony.", Sam grumbled, turning his head to look up at him. "You seem to be in quite the mood."

Tony just shrugged. "I woke up like this."

A sudden giggle was heard. The males turned to Natasha who was now laughing hysterically.

Later...

Natasha, Pepper and Steve was heading down to Tony's personal parking lot. They walked past the various vehicles before finding one that was suitable for the them. "Why does Tony have so many cars?", Steve questioned.

Pepper looked at him. "You already know. He likes to be in the fast lane."

Neither suspected the laugh Natasha had let out.

Even later...

The trio was now at the mall, looking at some sales on display. Pepper had made a comment about Steve changing up his wardrobe, which the soldier responded with, "Thor just might molest me if I wear today's clothing."

Still doesn't stop him...

Anyways, the group was looking through clothes when they heard two male voices. They looked over to see the sources having a conversation. "I don't think she'll like it, Troy. My sister isn't fond of pink.", the redhead male said, looking at a dress with uncertainty. The other, a brunet with blond highlights, just patted his shoulder. "Michael, just get the other one. I'm sure she'll like that one."

Again, no one suspected Natasha to let out a laugh.

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 **So, there's Natasha's list! Can anyone of you guess the songs she was thinking of? Bonus points to those that can!**

 **Review!**


	3. Tony Stark

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Look back to the first chapter to know what the summary, disclaimer, notes, and warnings are.**

 **And here's candidate number three! Hope you like this one. *smirks***

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Avenger 3 - Tony Stark

1\. We all saw this one coming. Tony's definitely not allowed to have anything pointy around Bruce so he can turn into the Hulk.

The science duo was in the lab, coming up with a new system for the Helicarrier crew to use. Well, more so Bruce was doing so. He was looking through the many codes on one of the screens, Tony sitting on a stool eating blueberries.

He looked so lost in thought, too, like he was mauling up some plan.

"Hey, Tony. Can you pass me that folder there?", Bruce asked, pointing at a folder next to the billionaire. Tony jumped off his stool, grabbing the folder and something else. He went to Bruce's side, handing him the folder.

"Here you go."

"Thank y- ow! Anthony!"

Bruce turned to other, holding his side. He glared at the slightly taller. "Don't tell me."

"I'm just really... I don't know."

Nick walked into the lab, ready to throw the first thing his eye landed at Tony's head.

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2\. He's definitely not allowed to use any other method to turn Bruce into the Hulk.

Bruce and Tony was heading to the coffee shop, Clint accompanying them. The archer was watching them silently, forming many ideas... and songs... in his head. The trio entered the coffee shop once it was spotted. Bruce immediately went to the counter, already with the team's requests in his head and ready to give them.

Tony and Clint stood by one of the walls, looking at the various artworks. "I'mma do it."

Clint turned to the philanthropist with wide eyes. "Tony, don't. You know it's just going to end badly."

The brunet just smirked. "I'mma do it anyways." Clint face palmed himself. "Even I know that's stupid! And I'm me! You have no regard to mankind, do you?", he questioned, pointing an accusing finger at the other. Tony just waved a hand at him. "Eh. Going to do it."

He walked away, heading to Bruce. The slightly shorter brunet turned when he noticed his presence. "Oh, Tony! The coffee and- mmmphf!"

Bruce was not expecting the sudden kiss. Nor did anyone else. Everyone had stopped what they were doing, looking at the science duo kiss. Tony snaked his arms around Bruce's waist, applying pressure to his lips. Bruce had become lost, and fell into the kiss. His arms slowly went around Tony's neck, closing his eyes and pulling Tony closer.

The kiss lasted for a few minutes before Tony decided to break it off. He looked at Bruce to see him blushing madly with his head down. "T-Tony! No right!"

"Sorry. Just seeing if I could make him come out." He looked over to see one of the employees standing there with their orders, a nosebleed forming on his face. He just handed the billionaire the orders, the brunet handing him the money. "Thanks. Have a nice day, young man. Come on, Clint!" The archer began to follow, but stopped at the counter to look at the other male.

"It happens a lot. Have a nice day."

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3\. Tony can't have a spray bottle or a water gun around Steve and Thor.

Thanks to the anger of a thunder god, Tony had found himself standing in front of a shelf of laptops in the electronic section of the store with the golden couple standing behind him, the god just looking about while Steve thought about which laptop he wanted. He wanted one that was simple, but with Tony, that wasn't going to happen.

"I can't believe it, Thor. What made you pick up Mjolnir and smash my laptop in pieces?"

"I apologize greatly, Man of Iron. I let my anger get the best of me."

"Because we had no more Pop Tarts."

"They're quite the snack."

Tony just sighed. Grabbing two laptops and purchasing them, the trio made their way over to the frozen section for some ice cream for Natasha. While the brunet decided which ice cream, behind him the blonde couple decided to become exhibitionists. It started off as a chaste kiss from Thor, putting his arms around Steve's waist while the soldier looked at the different frozen yogurts. But not even two seconds later, the god had his chosen pinned against the cold door. Tony wasn't paying attention to it until he heard a loud moan. He didn't turn, but instead he pulled out a hidden water gun and shot at the two.

Thor quickly pulled out with a growl while Steve let out whimpers. Both glared at the back of Tony's head. "Anthony..."

"Next time don't try to get golden godly soldier sperm on the yogurt!"

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4\. He can't use it on anyone else either.

It wasn't hot nor did Bruce and Natasha feel as if it was. So what possessed Tony to do it was beyond them. Both the redhead and doctor were in the kitchen, fixing lunch for everyone since it was it was their day-off. Both were wearing white tees, Natasha in jean capris and Bruce wearing jeans.

It was weird, but neh.

Natasha was flipping the burgers while Bruce was cutting up lettuce. They were so focused on their tasks they never noticed Tony walking in. He smirked as a rather stupid suicidal plan formulated. He walked out the kitchen and came back a few minutes later with a spray bottle in his hands. He spritzed out the cold water, scaring Bruce and Natasha. "Tony! You son of a bitch! Why?!", the redhead questioned.

Tony shrugged. "Just wanted to see you wear a wet white tee. You know like in the music videos and stuff."

A raw burger met his face.

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5\. He's not allowed to tempt Rhodey into fighting him for a 'rematch'.

' _Another day on the Helicarrier. Wonder what antics await this time.'_

Nick rubbed his forehead with his fingers, knowing somewhere on the Helicarrier that something was going on. Something always happened. "Um… sir?" He looked over his shoulder to see Maria with a frown on her face. "Let me guess, something bad is happening, am I right?"

"Definitely, sir. Appears that Agent Stark and Agent Rhodes are engaged in a battle."

On cue, two metal suits came blasting through the wall. One red and gold, the other silver.

"You're going to take that back, Tony!", Rhodes growled, firing at the other. Tony ducked, resulting the blast to hit the computers. With a sigh, Fury just pulled out his gun.

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 **Classic, Tony. Very classic. Review!**


	4. Thor Odinson

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Look back to the first chapter to know what the summary, disclaimer, notes, and warnings are.**

 **Before our fourth silly Avenger comes up, I want to thank those that reviewed (which is only 4, but eh). Which leads me into this!**

 **To those considered about other characters such as Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, don't worry. They will make an appearance soon. I love them too much to do that to them. Just love those twins. And to think their actors played as husband and wife in another film. Hm. Go figure. I also didn't know Chris Evans have siblings. Again, go figure... no... maybe... eh...**

 **Onward!**

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Avenger 4 - Thor Odinson

1\. Nick refuses for Thor to try to have his way with Steve anywhere except when they're at the Tower!

Nick now had that recent hunch when something at the table wasn't going to go how he planned. But right now, everything seem fine. Each member had their attention to the spy, all looking quite sane. "Alright. To get this meeting started. Phil." Said agent gave him a manila folder. "Sir."

"Thank you.", Nick said, turning around to face him. Much to his confusion, the agent was sporting a red blush across his face. "Coulson?"

"S-sir... you might want to look for yourself."

Nick followed Phil's line of vision and much to his displeasure, Thor had their team leader on his lap while kissing him senseless and touching him in the more inappropriate places.

"I swear if you don't stop fondueing I'll shoot you!"

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2\. Thor's not allowed to get mad with Phil because he thinks he's trying to steal Steve.

"Agent Rogers!" The blonde turned to see the shorter agent walk up to him with two cups of coffee in his hands. "Oh, Phil! Thank you!"

"Just thought you needed a cup. You may have the serum, but you looked so tired when you came into Headquarters."

"I really appreciate it, Phil."

The soldier went to take a sip of the coffee, but stopped when he heard a growl and a squeak of fear. Steve was so close of face palming himself when he saw that Thor was towering over Phil with Mjolnir raised. "I swear by my Father's bread that if you try to bed my mate-"

"Thor, down boy!" The god immediately obeyed, growling lowly as his glare remained on Phil. "Love, he-"

"He was not, Thor. Phil was just being nice and handing me some coffee. Phil may seem a little... attached to me but not like that, okay?" The taller blonde huffed before nodding. "Whatever you say, angel." He turned to Phil and patted his shoulder. "My apologies, Son of Coul. I can get a bit... unruly over my mate to those I see as a threat."

Phil gave a shaky nod, not sure if he should faint or run to Fury.

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3\. He's not allowed to have anything in his hands when he's angry.

Thor stood there, staring into the open cabinet. His usual blue eyes were dark, his lips in a thin line as his skin started to heat in pure displeasure.

Clint had walked in with Bucky, the newest addition to the team after he got back from being away, both spotting the god. "Hi, Thor.", the brunet greeted but was met with silence. Clint walked over to the tallest of the men and tapped his shoulder. "Thor? Dude, are you okay?"

"We ran out...", he mumbled. Clint raised an eyebrow in question. "What?"

"We ran out...", was the repeat. "Ran out of what?", Bucky asked before taking a sip of his juice. Thor stood there silent again, staring into the cabinet. Clint was about to say something when out of pure instinct Thor ripped the door of the cabinet and threw it to the ground with the mug he had in his other hand.

Clint had jumped in Bucky's arms out of fear, making the brunet soldier drop his cup. Good thing that was plastic. "THOR! WHAT THE HELL?!", Tony yelled walking into the kitchen. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

"WE RAN OUT OF THOSE COOKIE STICKS! WITH THE CHOCOLATE ON THEM!"

"You mean pocky?", Clint asked with a small whimper, still in Bucky's arms. "Yes. Those." Tony sighed. "Cap! Come calm down your boyfriend before he redecorates the kitchen!" Steve ran in within seconds, going by Thor's side to soothe him with kisses.

Bucky blinked, questioning his new teammates and Steve's choices of lovers.

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4\. He's not allowed to invite Loki to the Tower or to Headquarters when he's hyper.

It had been since Thor had last seen his younger brother. He had decided to invite his brother from Asgard to the Towers. He was allowed to now since he learned the error of his ways. The dark haired god haven't done anything remotely evil, maybe a little pranks here and then, but who could blame him? He was the god of mischief!

Something Thor should have kept in mind. The duo was lounging around in the den until Thor had gotten up to get them snacks. It was just them since everyone else was either out on errands or in their usual other spots around the Tower.

The blonde had went back into the den with some sugar cookies Steve and Natasha baked earlier with soda. Now Thor being Thor, he probably couldn't get as hyper. Maybe a little more energized but nothing too serious. Loki on the other hand…

Apparently the cookies were so good that Loki had more than just five. Maybe about twenty.

It was long before he was running around and shouting random things from colors to how pretty Thor's blonde locks were. At one point he asked where Steve was. Thor told him he was at the Headquarters with Natasha helping Nick with something. Next thing the thunder god knew, his brother has transported himself there.

Time had passed since Thor had immediately chased his brother down. He found him at Headquarters, wondering what Loki planned to do. He found out when he heard Steve scream and some shooting. He rushed into the meeting room to find Steve standing on the table… as a woman! Nick was one, too, and was quite the looker with dark curly hair and even with the eyepatch. Loki was running and dodging from Nick's bullets. Natasha stood not too far away, looking at one of the glass walls at her now male body. She looked quite sexy.

Nick had spotted the blonde god, who had now female Steve in his arms and kissing him. "THOR, GET YOUR BROTHER!", he shouted in his demanding female voice.

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 **Review!**


	5. Steve Rogers

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Look back to the first chapter to know what the summary, disclaimer, notes, and warnings are.**

 **Added Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tal's songs, such as Marcher au Soleil, or Just Dance 2016.**

 **Added Note: This takes place after the events of "Avengers 2: Age of Ultron". Also, a certain somebody doesn't meet a bad fate. So he's going to be in here.**

 **So thanks to those favoriting, following, reviewing and taking your time out to read this! Appreciate it very much!**

 **And here's number 5!**

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Avenger 5 - Steve Rogers

1\. Steve's not allowed to try to relate to some reference.

Some days are days when you decide it was time to get off the couch and enjoy the air outside. Well, it wasn't one of those days. It was warm, but none of the Avengers felt like going out today. So they decided to chill out in the den and play on one of Tony's many gaming systems. Despite not wanting to take a walk outside, they felt they should move a little, so they chose to play Just Dance 2016.

At the moment Clint was going at it on _'Fun'_ which was very funny to watch him do. His character was a girl in a dress and heels. Yet didn't stop him from heading to his fifth star.

"Go, Clint! Go!"

"Tony! I swear I'll shoot an arrow in your head if you don't- OH! FIFTH STAR!"

Eventually the song ended there, making the archer quite happy. "Yes."

"Alright, Bruce, it's your turn!", Tony announced. Bruce got up from the sofa and stood in the middle of the room. He looked at Nat who was selecting the songs with the remote. "Please don't choose something to embarrass me with."

"If I had to dance to _'Fun'_ , then you must dance to something crazy. But, Nat, save _'Chiwawa'_ for Steve or Thor. Got to see one of them dance to that."

"I'm not dancing to any girl kawaii J-Pop song."

The others looked at their captain with questioning looks. "Steve?" The blonde blushed, shifting in his seat. "What? I know what kawaii means! Stop looking at me like that!"

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to ask Phil anything. Anything at all.

Steve was wondering about the Headquarters, looking for anything to do at the moment. He ran into Tony once who asked where Bruce was. The captain told him, a rather bland face, that the other brunet was in the lab. After that, he found him standing beside Nick Fury. He was showing the blonde some of the activity going on when Phil came up. "Sir, I have the files you wanted.", the man announced, handing Fury the papers. Phil had looked up to see the blonde. "Good afternoon, Captain."

"Same to you, Agent Coulson. The weather's nice, isn't it?"

Much to the shock of everyone, Phil fainted. Fury had face palmed himself. "I told him to get over it!"

* * *

3\. He's not allowed to have anything in his hands either when he's angry or frustrated... or nervous.

Steve had walked into the room, adorned in a darker version of his uniform. Behind him was Thor, Hawkeye, and Black Widow. He stopped at the bottom of the staircase, exchanging looks with the twins, Pietro and Wanda. Nick stood behind them. "So, where's Bruce and Tony?", he asked. "Lab. Working on a new program for the Tower.", Clint answered, exchanging looks with Pietro. The quickster stuck his tongue at him. The archer growled.

Thor sighed, looking at Cap. The shorter placed a hand on Clint's shoulder. "Quit."

"He started it."

"I did not!"

"Hey! I said quit!", Steve ordered, squeezing Clint's shoulder. A minute later, the archer was on a stretcher.

An hour later!

"Clint, I'm so so so sorry! I didn't mean it!"

Clint waved off the other with his hand as the nurse wrapped up his shoulder. "Cap, it's just a bruise. It will go away eventually." Steve just whimpered, Natasha patting his back in sympathy. "Steve, you're being too sensitive. Want something to hold to calm down?" The blonde nodded. Natasha had handed him a Thor plushy she got him a while back. Steve rocked back and forth in the chair he was in, clutching the plushy.

"There. There. Better?", the female team member asked. Steve didn't answer. Instead, he ripped the plushy into many pieces before letting out a breath. "Much." Thor just stood at the doorway with wide eyes, reminding himself to not sleep next to Steve for a while.

* * *

4\. He's not allowed to wear skinny jeans.

Another day at Headquarters. The team had gotten back from a fight in a nearby town, getting dirty in the process. Natasha and Wanda went to go to the lady showers while the others to the men's. Each wanting to get the dirt and monster goo off them. Time passed and everyone was done and dressed. Thor had entered the room, looking his his mate, but didn't see him. "Where's Steven?"

"Looking for some pants.", Sam had answered. "Someone had cut a couple rips in his jeans and he refused to wear ripped jeans."

Next to Bruce, Tony and Pietro snickered. Bucky sighed. "I'll get him. When he reached the door, the blond captain made his appearance. "Sorry. I was looking for some pants. It took a while, but I found some."

Thor had gave Steve a look over before groaning under his breath. "Angel, must you wear such clothing?" The shorter blonde was wearing a blue (duh) and white tee with pants. And not just any pants. They were slim cut skinny jeans. They weren't really that tight to show everything, but it was enough to give the curve of his legs and his ass.

Steve crossed his arms with a pout. "What? Would you rather me walk around without pants?" The god groaned at the image. "Not here. In public."

"I don't want to see that. Then again...", Tony drawled. Bruce reached over and pinched a nipple. "OW!"

"Quiet, Tony!"

Nick had walked in, Phil behind him. "Just looking for you guys. There's a... Cap, I didn't know you wore skinny jeans!" Cap blushed, Thor growling and Bucky giving another sigh. "I... I couldn't another pair."

At that moment, there was a thud and a faint sound of a moan. Clint walked over to the fallen Phil and tisked. "Poor Phil."

* * *

5\. He's not allowed to speak French or listen to Tal and sing her songs.

Thor, Steve and Bucky were in the store one afternoon. Of course after learning how dominant and possessive Thor could be, Bucky had tagged along to make sure the couple didn't give PDA.

But so far that didn't happen since he warned them that he wasn't going to go easy on them like Tony does. "Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.", he had informed them. Steve replying, "Yes, they do.", in his usual sweet voice.

Thor and Bucky were in the grain aisle, the thunder god trying to decide what cereal to try next. "Son of Barnes, what brand do you suggest?"

Bucky looked at the two cereal boxes in Thor's hand. "I guess the chocolate one. I prefer chocolate anyways."

"Yes, Natasha expressed that when she mentioned you and Samuel's interactions with one another." Bucky stared wide-eyed at the blonde. "Say what?"

"Although she said Clint is fond of Sam."

"I don't-" The brunet stopped short when he heard some unrecognizable words from the aisle over. The voice sounded familar, but the words weren't. "Oui. Oui. J'ai appris à parler français il y a des années. Il peut être un peu rouillé mais maintenant."

"Non, non, monsieur. En fait , il est très bon . Super!"

"Merci, madame."

Bucky and Thor went around the corner to find Steve talking to a woman with her auburn hair in a bun, dressed in black slacks and a blouse. The two looked to be having quite a pleasant conversation.

"Angel?" Steve looked over to see Bucky and Thor. "Excusez-moi." The woman nodded, waiting patiently as the soldier to the others. "Hi."

"Who's that?", Bucky asked. "Just a woman I met. She needed some help. She couldn't speak English that well since she's from France." Thor raised an eyebrow at that. "And you speak her language, beloved?" Steve nodded. "I do. I learned before I went under. I'm surprised I still know French. Oh! I want you to meet her!"

Steve pulled the taller two towards the woman. "Helena, ceci est mon frère et ami , Bucky et mon copain , Thor ." The woman gasped, smiling brightly. "Qu'est-ce très beaux hommes!"

"Je sais.", the blond captain smirked before kissing Thor on the cheek.

The hammer wielder and brunet agreed from that day to learn French.

Later!

Natasha walked in the room to find Steve nodding his head to some music while singing some of it. Truth be told, his voice was beautiful, living up to the 'angel' nickname, but Natasha couldn't understand any of it!

 **Viens je t'emmène pour tout oublier**

 **et marcher sous le soleil**

 **viens je t'emmène tout recommencer**

 **et regarder vers le ciel**

 **et quand tout va mal**

 **quand la vie s'emporte**

 **je laisse le hasard frapper a ma porte**

 **Viens je t'emmène pour tout oublier**

 **Et marcher au soleil**

She stood there for a few minutes, Steve engrossed in the song and reading to actually notice her. Thor came up to her side, sighing. "Natasha, I am too unfamiliar with the language of French."

* * *

 **So yeah. I watching Captain America 2: Winter Soldier when I realized something. When he goes to the museum and it displays his image, weight and height before and after the serum I realized that pre-serum... Steve was only an inch taller than me and weighed a pound heavier than me! Yes, I'm skinny... but food is life, and no I'm not anorexic. I probably weigh a little more now, but not about me right now!**

 **Anyways...**

 **Has anyone seen those memes when Tony and Steve get into it and the final panel of it be "Captain America: Civil War"? I have to admit whoever started it was clever because those had me rolling on the floor. It's because of what they were arguing over. Like the Pokeman one.**

 **And before anyone asked, Clint is not in relationship with Bucky or Sam... unless you guys vote for that. I don't know anymore.**

 **I also recommend you guys to listen Tal Benyerzi. Yes, she sings in French, but if you translate and understand her songs, they're very inspiring. Well to me they are.**

* * *

 **Here's the English translation to part of her song Steve sung!**

 **Come I'll take you to forget everything**

 **and walk in the sun**

 **I 'm taking you all over again**

 **and look to the sky**

 **and when everything goes wrong**

 **when life prevails**

 **I let a chance to hit my door**

 **Come I'll take you to forget everything**

 **And walk in the sun**

* * *

 **Review!**


	6. Bruce Banner

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **First chapter gives the disclaimer, warnings, and notes.**

 **Again, this fic takes place after "Age of Ultron". Also... the sequel is coming up soon! I know some of you are waiting impatiently for it, but it is coming!**

 **I finally get why people** _ **only**_ **use Tony and Steve for those "Civil War" memes. I finally got to see the trailers for the the third Captain America movie ad I totally get know. Speaking of which, anyone else excited for the next Captain America? I know I am!**

 **So before I go on with this chapter I decided to do the Twins (Pietro and Wanda), Vision, Bucky, Sam, Phil, Maria, Rhodey, Loki (That's a definite yes!) and of course, Nick Fury the banner (Ha! See what I did there?) himself! He's going to be last, but who should I do next after...**

 **Candidate number 6!... You'll see. *smirks***

* * *

Avenger 6 - Bruce Banner

1\. Bruce is not allowed to fake Hulk-out because he's mad at Tony.

Much to the shock of Maria, Tony and Bruce weren't in the lab at the HQ. Instead they were in the training room with the others. Tony was working out on the arm bench while the doctor was talking with Steve who was doing pull-ups on the bar.

The female agent went over to the doctor, a folder in her hands. "Fury wants you to check this over. He needs some information by tomorrow. Think you can manage that?", she asked when Bruce gave her his attention. "Yup. I think I can get plenty of information.", he said, looking at the contents in the folder and wiping the sweat from his forehead.

When he began to follow Maria he felt a swift smack on his ass and gave a yelp. Everyone turned to look at Bruce who was sporting a blush with his hands behind his back while Tony was sitting up with a smirk on his face. "Tony, just why?"

"You worked out pretty good today. So I had to show some appreciation to that fine ass of yours. And if you're willing I could do more later."

Steve immediately jumped down off the bar, going behind Thor. "Um..."

Bruce growled under his breath. "Anthony Stark, one more time and I just might smash you."

Tony smirked. "Bruce, you're irresistible!"

"That's it!" Everyone ducked for cover when Bruce gave a very Hulk-like roar. Seconds later, they noticed that the room wasn't being demolished nor where there sounds of Hulk kicking someone's ass. Clint peeked from under the boxing ring and sweat dropped. "It's clear.", he moaned from disappointment and disbelief. Much to everyone's shock, Bruce was straddling Tony's lap while kissing him senseless. Maria and Natasha exchanged looks before smiling.

"Smash you with his lips!", they cheered in unison. Bruce broke the kiss, revealing a rather flustered and pleased Tony Stark. "Remind me to make you fake Hulk-out again."

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to fall for any of Clint's tricks.

Saturday!

Bruce was in the living room with Natasha, watching a movie on the big screen while talking about it. "Is it me or does he look like Steve?", Nat had asked. "Who Chris Evans? He does look like Steve. Just shave off the beard.", Bruce answered. "Quite the attractive man, too."

"Agree."

"Bruce! Tony needs you in the lab!", Clint screamed, rushing into the room. Bruce quickly stood seeing the concern and fear written overe Clint's face. "Really? Something happened?"

"Uh huh! Just come and see!" The brunet followed quickly behind the archer.l He came into the lab to find Tony was there working on one of suits, but he wasn't in danger from a chemical mishap or anything else serious. "Tony? Did you need me?", the doctor questioned. Tony looked up at the question, confusion on his face. "No. Just fine here."

"Oh." It was silent for a brief minute before there was a laugh throughout the vents of the lab. "BANG BANG INTO THE ROOM! YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT!"

"Fuck you, Clinton!"

"Bruce, I doubt it's him you rather do. Especially since I'm right here." Tony drawled, stripping out his band shirt. Bruce just groaned, deciding to either let Tony have his way or go find Clint and kill him for his pranks.

* * *

3\. He's not allowed to get into a fandom.

Bruce was in the kitchen, eating a sandwich while listening to Loki who came to visit again. This time he stayed away from Steve's cookies. "Seriously, though. I don't get why Tony is know calling me 'Gabriel'."

"You have to watch Supernatural to understand."

Loki blinked in confusion, tilting his head to the side. It made him look adorable. "Supernatural? What is that?" Bruce gave a short gasp. "Oh my goodness! You don't know about Supernatural, do you?"

"Does this involve demons, ghosts, and other freaky-deaky... stuff I heard about?" Bruce gave an understanding nod. "You could say. The term itself means anything that is related to some force beyond the scientific laws of nature."

"Ah. But how does this relate to this Gabriel character?"

"Well, it's a show. It's pretty good damn show if you ask me. Despite it going against the law of physics, but still a show that even I can appreciate. In the show it has this array of characters. Dean and Sam Winchester that are two brothers that are the main characters in the show that travel around fighting off supernatural evil. One of the angels, Gabriel, calls himself the 'god of mischief' aka you."

Loki awed in understanding. "Ah. I understand now."

Bruce nodded. "Good. Oh! There's another angel in there named Castiel. I swear him and Dean have some chemistry going on. They're so... into each other."

"So they're in love or something?"

"Might as well be. They have some intense moments like that." Loki closed his hands together, leaning more on the counter top at where he sat. "Hm. I might look into this show." Bruce smiled. "As a matter of fact, we should start a marathon of watching it tonight."

"I agree." Steve then walked in, heading over to the fridge. "Hey, Bruce. Hey, Loki. What are you talking about?"

"This show called 'Supernatural'. Banner here was telling me some things about it." Steve suddenly stood straight, turning his gaze on the doctor. "You watch that?" Bruce nodded. "Yup." Steve moved from the fridge to the doctor's side in a second. "No way! Bruce, I didn't know that! You know Castiel and Dean would make such a cute couple."

"I know, right? It's obvious! Obvious!"

"Marathon."

"Loki's in it, too."

That night no one dared to go into the den. Well, except Natasha who was also a Destiel fan.

* * *

4\. He's not allowed to get in between Steve and Tony when they fight.

"I JUST CAN'T FAMISH THE FACT YOU DID THAT, ANTHONY! APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!"

"NO! NOT UNTIL YOU ADMIT THAT MY PLAN IS MUCH BETTER!"

"NEVER!"

The team watched as Steve and Tony went back and forth like cats and dogs. Nick stood near, rubbing the tips of his fingers on his nose. He gave up on those two a long, long time ago. Thor got up from his seat to hold back Steve who was just about to throw his shield at Tony who was in his Iron Man suit, ready to fire. "Beloved, calm down. We should discuss the plan in order, not with rage.", the thunder god said, putting his hands on Steve's shoulders. Steve ignored him. "Apologize, Stark! Or I swear I'll chop your head clean off with my shield!"

"Not until you apologize Rogers or I'll fire your hands off before you could even touch that shield!"

Bruce eventually stepped inbetween the two. "Guys, this isn't necessary. I'm sure if we all sit down and stay calm we'll figure out a good plan. Okay?"

Just like Thor, Bruce was ignored. "You star spangled prune!"

"You metal mouthed bastard!"

"Patriotic cheerleader!"

"Psycho hippie!"

"Why you-!" Bruce didn't have time to dodge when they both swung and smacked him on both sides of his face. Everyone stilled in an instant, stepping back as Bruce stood stiff with his face growing in rage. Clint slowly got underneath the table, pulling his bestie with him. "Aaaahhh shit. We're all fucking doomed now."

"Yeah! Way too go, you two!"

That day, Steve and Tony promised they wouldn't have another fight or continue when Bruce said stop.

* * *

 **So saw this trailer meme on "Avengers 2: Age of Ultron" on Marvel's thoughts on making the movie.**

 **[Creates kickass trailer of what is sure to be an amazing movie, adds creepy as shit music that is awesome, couples that with terrifying voice over to make you piss yourself, adds shots of dramatic action sequences and everything else you could think of...]**

 **"... There's something missing. Wait!"**

 **[Adds gratuitous shot of half naked Chris Hemsworth.] "Yes. It's ready. Give it to the public."**

 **(That damn sexy beast! Come on, admit it!)**

 **I could help but LMFAO over this. Just couldn't help myself.**

 **Oh! The songs that Natasha was thinking about from her chapter was...**

 **"Flawless" - it was when Tony said, "I woke up like this."**

 **"Fancy" - when Peppy said, "You already know. He likes to be in the fast lane."**

 **And "Anaconda" - the two dudes at the end were named Troy and Micheal, two names that are mentioned in said song.**

 **So if you managed to guess those songs give yourself a pat on the back!... I'm so corny!**

 **Review!**


	7. The Maximoff twins!

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **First chapter gives the disclaimer, warnings, and notes.**

 **The sequel to "The Hammer Deems You Worthy!" is finally up! It's called "Spells Makes Avengers Do Crazy Things". I hope you peeps like it. Took weeks to write. Since... um... when did I start writing it?... *thinks* Oh! August! Yes, August! Yup... anywhooo...**

 **The first "not allowed" rule isn't my idea. It's dedicated to** **Psylockethe2nd** , **the genius behind it!**

 **I thought it would be pretty funny to use. So since you guys requested the following candidates (mostly the male twin), here they are!**

* * *

7 - The Maximoff Twins!

1\. Pietro's not allowed to text and run at the same time.

Pietro wasn't crazy. He was actually sane by some standards, which bothered Nick Fury a bit one day. Another mission, but this time it was in another city. The team had decided to take a road trip to their destination. They took one of Tony's many traveling vans (which was questioned since Tony does not travel like that) to enjoy the way there since this mission seem to be a dozy. Trafficking vibranium? Yeah… not on a certain super soldier's watch.

Clint was the driver for the first van, Natasha in the passenger seat while Thor and Steve sat behind them and Tony and Bruce after. In the next van, Nick was the driver with Maria next to him, Phil and Sam behind them and Wanda and Bucky behind them. Funny thing though was Pietro wasn't with them. Well, not in the van. He decided to run beside them for the next few miles until they reached the first hotel.

To stay in touch, he had his phone on him. Wanda was looking out the window, feeling the presence of her twin near. "So far so good.", she mumbled as she sat back and picked up her book she brought with her.

It was a while later when she received a ping on her cell. She picked it up and saw it was her twin brother.

W: Pietro is something wrong?

P: Nope! XD just thought I tell you I can see you in the van! look at Buck!

The witch turned to see Bucky was knocked out cold, sleeping with his head on the window.

W: He's sleep.

P: Duh! :P he's old. very old.

Wanda then looked back out the window to see Pietro texting while running. She began to feel uneasy. "Pietro! You might want to-!" Her warning was stopped short when the van stopped suddenly. She looked up and saw that the other van was, too. In front of them was cows. In the middle of the road. "What the-?"

"Cows a-walking!", she heard Tony shout from the other van. That was followed by a "Gah!" and a loud painful thud of an impact. She got out the van and saw that Pietro was laying on the ground, phone sitting just a few inches away. She crossed her arms with a shake of her head. "No texting and running at the same time."

* * *

2\. Wanda's not allowed to use her powers on anyone just for the fun of it.

It was one of those days that Steve though the sky was perfect to draw. It was a clear morning and if you opened the window you would smell the freshness of the fallen rain of the night before and flowers. With a hint of bagels.

The blonde got up out his bed, showered, groomed and went to the kitchen. There Tony was already there drinking his coffee with Natasha and Bruce making breakfast. "Morning, Steve.", the redhead spy greeted, flipping a pancake. "Morning, Nat."

"Care for a cup of coffee?", Tony asked, holding up a mug. Before Steve could answer, Clint came out the vent and landed between the two. "Morning!"

"Clint, what the hell were you doing in the vents?", Nat questioned. Clint shrugged. "Don't know to be honest. I just remembered Wanda sitting with me and Thor watching a movie. Next thing I know I woke up in the vents and saw Thor in the living room with glitter and ribbons all over him. Nude, too." Steve had quickly ran out the kitchen when the Twins walked in. Bruce had crossed his arms when his eyes met Wanda's. "Wanda, is there something you want to say?", he asked with a stern tone. The younger giggled. "I couldn't resist."

* * *

3\. Pietro's not allowed to his powers just to trick people.

The fact that Vision is always up on his guard was really surprising when that day came. But it was no mistake that what happened… happened. Steve, Thor, Natasha, and Clint were discussing some plans with Vision present. He was paying attention to everything that the captain was saying. "Keep in mind that there's guys here, here and here.", the blonde reminded pointing to spots on the blueprint of a building. "So we're going to need Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch for this one. Once we're inside, Widow's going to-"

Steve stopped when he felt a hand poke his shoulder. He looked to his left where Vision was.

"Vision, need anything?" The ex-AI shook his head. "Nothing, Steven."

Steve gave him a look before continuing. "Widow's going to head in and take out those two guys and-"

Another poke. The soldier turned to Vision again. "Are you sure you don't have anything to say?", he asked, this time with a little more concern in his tone. Vision just shook his head again. "Nothing at all."

"Okay." The soldier continued. "Clint, I need you to take out those security cameras. Once we're inside, Thor and I-" Another poke. With an added swish of wind and a shout. The four adults looked over to see Vision clenching Pietro's shirt, a very anger expression on his face. "I think he needs something though."

What shocked them was Vision actually catching Pietro.

* * *

4\. Wanda's definitely not allowed to attend toy shops with the others anymore. Especially Pepper.

Truth be told, Pietro and Wanda had little experience with the outside due to their previous living conditions. So weeks spending with the team they were building that up. They were less anxious around people and more open to trying things. It also showed how much younger they were than the others.

Pepper had decided that she would take Wanda out seeing how bored she was sitting around. Wanda had agreed to go, accompanying Pepper to the mall.

At first, it went smoothly. They went to some clothing shops, most of the clothes being red and black that the power user chosen, and had lunch. But it wasn't until the younger spotted a store that peaked her interest did Pepper realize that Wanda was still a little... childish.

Pepper was answering to one of Tony's messages when she realized that Wanda wasn't by her side. She stopped to look around and called out to the younger. She ended up finding her standing by a toy shop window, gazing at the different dolls and plushies. "Wanda?" The younger redhead looked over her shoulder. "Can we go inside, Pepper?"

The older woman seem no harm in it, so she told her yes. The duo went inside the shop, seeing that there was all kind of toys from antiques to modern day toys. Wanda's eyes had caught sight of a red furred kitten plushy finding it absolutely cute. She had reached out to pick it up by smaller hands were faster. She looked down to see a brunette girl that looked about the age of 10 or 11 holding it. Her blue eyes were glaring at the redhead. Wanda glared back.

"I want that.", she hissed. The girl blew raspberry at her. "I saw it and my mommy said I can have anything I want and I want this. So you can't have it!"

Wanda's eyes began to glow a bright red. "How dare you! That is mine! I saw it first! And I shall have it!" The girl began to whimper when Wanda's eyes grew brighter. Her fingers began to glow that ghostly red as she stepped closer to the girl. Within a second, the kitten plushy was handed over to her. Wanda settled down as she watched the girl cry to her mother, clenching the plushy to her chest.

Pepper had watched in disbelief. "Um... Wanda? Maybe you-"

"It's mine.", Wanda retorted, her eyes glowing red. Behind her, two toys were floating before crashing into each other. Pepper stepped back. "Alright. I'll buy it."

* * *

5\. Pietro isn't allowed to touch any of Clint's stuff. Or switch it with something else.

Clint had just gotten out the shower after a long day of saving people in Brooklyn. It was funny to see Bucky and Steve conversing over their old times. It was even funnier when Bucky got mad at a minion and starting yelling at it. In his Brooklyn accent. He commented how it just slipped out.

The archer chuckled at the memory, slipping on the clothes he had laid out on his bed. He slipped on his jeans, finding them comfy. But then the shirt became a problem. It was quite tight and it was black instead of the dark purple he had out. He looked in the mirror and saw the shirt did look alright on him and just decided to go with it. He slipped on a black hoodie before going into the living room.

Thor and Wanda were playing on the gaming system at Just Dance 2016 on _'Hey Mama'_. So far, it looked like Wanda was winning.

He took a seat between Pietro and Steve. "So, Nicki Minaj? Thor?", he questioned to the captain, oblivious to Pietro's smirk. Steve shrugged. "He wanted to try. He missed him doing _'Chiwawa'_."

"Damn."

"Hey, Clint. How come your shirt made it to my room?" The group looked up to see Natasha walking in. She was wearing jeans with a baggy dark purple sleeveless shirt. Wait. Clint stood. "Huh. There was my shirt. I guess I'm wearing yours."

Natasha noticed Pietro smirking. "Pietro, do you have anything to do with this?"

The speedster chuckled. "Maybe."

Two days later!

Clint dodged a bullet, shooting the HYDRA minion with his arrow. He grunted from the uncomfortable leather pants he was wearing. _"I can't wait till this is over."_

Finding the others, he joined them and went inside the base. Bucky noticed the look on his face. "Hawky, you okay?", he asked. Clint shifted on his feet a bit. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just these pants are a bit... tight. And don't call me that."

"Your pants?" Sam looked down at Clint's pants. "I don't think they are pants."

"That's because they aren't.", Pietro admitted. "They're actually leather stockings. I switched them just before we got ready for this mission." Clint was held down from shooting Pietro in the eye with an arrow.

* * *

6\. Wanda's not allowed to team up with Loki.

Steve had made sure not to bake any sugar cookies since Loki was visiting again. Said god was with the blonde and his brother in one of the many rooms of the Tower. Steve was sitting against Thor, his back to his chest while he talked aimlessly with, what Thor hoped, his future brother-in-law.

At one point, the Twins came in, spotting the god. Thor introduced them to Loki. It wasn't really surprising when Wanda and Loki became fast friends for their love of using their powers on people.

A week passed since then. The team had come back from a meeting and was relaxing around the Tower. Loki was there, too. And something about him spoke not well. Thor and Clint was sitting in the den, playing Scramble. Thor was losing since he was using Asgardian terms. He got points, but not as much as Clint.

The archer was just putting down his final word when Wanda came and sat next to him. "Uncle Clint!", she greeted, hugging him. Clint raised an eyebrow before looking at her. "Hi, Wanda. What are you doing here?"

"Bored. Pietro went with Pepper and Tony to the store. I can't go anymore since I scare children.", she admitted. She then looked at Thor. "Where's Stevie?"

"I believe he's napping. Dr. Banner had officially proclaimed my beloved with child."

"Congrats, Thor! When were you telling the team because I don't remember hearing about this.", Clint teased. "Well, tonight over dinner. Don't spread this to the others until then." Clint nodded, not seeing Wanda's hand behind his head. Nor did Thor. "Ah. Now I think about it, Steve has been looking a bit... curvy nowadays. I guess with the serum he wouldn't be showing the signs until much later." It was then he felt his mind swirl, shaking his head a bit. He blinked before looking around and breathing out. "I want one."

Thor blinked, looking at Wanda for clarification but in turn got a shrug. "Want what?"

"A baby. I want a baby, too." Thor blushed, quickly standing up. "Um... I don't Steven would like you... fornicating with me for a child, Clint." Clint shook his head. "No. I want a baby with Sam. Or Bucky. Or Pietro. Or Phil!" Wanda actually didn't see that coming. "Well, I don't know where any of those gentlemen are at the moment." As on cue, Sam walked in, looking at his tablet. "Hey, Clint! I got to show you this vi- Gah!" Sam was tackled by a spelled Clint. He didn't get to say a word before Clint had kissed him and began to claw at his shirt.

Thor and Wanda watched in amazement, the female smirking. "Wow. I didn't know Clinton could be so... fierce.", Thor whistled, not noticing his brother behind him and turning himself in Sam. He made his appearance, stopping in his tracks. "Clint! What are you doing making out with my twin?!", Sam-Loki 'scowled'. Clint sat up quickly, the spell wearing off him. "Wha... what's going on? Sam, you have a twin?!", he asked with a very high pitched tone. Sam quickly sat up. "No! I don't! What were you doing kissing me?!"

"I don't know!"

"What's going on here?!" Nat, Bucky, and Steve made their appearance. Steve rarely shaky from being waken from his sleep. He blinked his eyes seeing two Sams. "What's going on? Thor?", he asked, getting a little freaked out. Thor sighed, looking at Sam-Loki. "Brother. You and Wanda please stop this madness."

Loki pouted as he turned back to normal. "Always ruining my fun. At least I have on record. Friday?"

 **"It has been filmed as you requested, sir."**

* * *

7\. Together, they're not allowed to be around Clint, Steve or Bucky without supervision.

When finding out that Steve and Bucky were both in their 90s, Pietro and Wanda made sure to use every opportunity to tease them about it. Thor was lucky because they understood that the dude was an immortal being from a different planet. Opted out!

Clint already was catching teasing about his age. Though he was younger than Tony! By a few years. Anyways, it was another meeting day when the two soldiers had gotten the start of the Twins' teasing.

Fury had a blueprint projected on the screen. During his discussion about it, Pietro had said, "Bucky, Steve. Need me to go fetch your glasses real quick? Can you see those tiny markings?" Wanda had added, "Or should I make it larger or bring it closer to you?"

They shared a laugh, the others joining before Nick told them they were grounded.

* * *

8\. They're also not allowed to attend coffee shops without supervision.

It was slightly cool outside today, a bit sunny though. It was generally good weather. Good enough for Pietro and Wanda Maximoff to venture outside. It was late morning. The team doing their own things while the twins traveled through New York.

Tony had equipped them with money since they have been good lately, guessing that they wanted to get off their grounding from Fury. So they decided to do the sanest thing. Go to a coffee shop. No going to race car tracks or toy stores. Just a coffee shop. They entered in the café, smelling fresh baked goods and coffee beans. Wanda had noticed a woman on the other side of the counter wand walked up to her. "Excuse me?"

The woman turned, a smile coming to her face. "Hello, what can I do for you?", she asked. Pietro looked at the menu on the counter, wondering which item should him and his sister should try. "Um… my sister and I are first timers. What do you suggest we try?" The woman bit her lips, thinking about the question and just how cool the twins' accents were. "Hmm. First time here?"

"Actually first time trying coffee.", Wanda answered with a small blush. The woman nodded. "I got just the thing. I'll be right back." The twins waited as the woman went out back. She soon came back with two caramel cream coffees and shell cookies. "Here you go. Hope you enjoy.", she smiled. "How much?", Pietro asked. "The original price is 10.56, but you two it's 5.45."

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"It's fine." Wanda nodded and handed the money over. "Thank you."

"Alright. Have a nice day!" And with that the twins left.

They were on their way back to the Tower, eating the cookies while drinking the coffees. Wanda had licked the whipped cream from her mouth while saying, "Mhmm. This is quite a drink. I'm feeling so… rushed." Pietro nodded, still sipping his hot beverage. "Indeed. I can see why Stark always gets iffy about his coffee." Wanda then stopped, her eyes glowing a bright pink suddenly. "Brother, want to go play a game?" Pietro, feeling the sudden urge to run, nodded. "I do. Let's go play with the others." He hiked his sister onto his back, running to the Tower.

Friday didn't even had time to announce the twins' arrival before Pietro had dashed into the den, putting Wanda down and jumping on Clint. The archer yelped in surprise, grabbing on the suddenly huggy male. "Okay! What's happening?!", he frantically asked, feeling Pietro nuzzle his neck. Wanda went behind him and began playing with his hair. "We're just really happy!", she squealed. Steve was about to say something, but Wanda had then went to his side and began to rub his stomach. "It's really weird that another is inside you. It's a miracle!"

Steve blushed, remembering his pregnancy. "Ah. I guess so."

Natasha had noted the empty coffee cups on the floor with an empty packet of shell cookies. "Oh. Well, that explains it.", she mumbled, watching Pietro and Wanda fumble with Thor's hair.

* * *

 **So far, I have to say doing the Twins' chapter was fun. And yes! Steve is now pregnant! It's mentioned in the now up sequel "Spells Makes the Avengers Do Crazy Things"! (I know I mentioned this already.) Be sure to check it out.**

 **Review!**


	8. Loki Laufeyson

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Chapter Uno and previous ones gives the disclaimer, warnings, and notes.**

 **Just want to thank those again for putting my fics on their favorite lists, following my stories, and reviewing! Great motivation!**

 **Next up our favorite villainous god of mischief...!**

* * *

8 - Loki Laufeyson

1\. Loki's not allowed to have too much sugar. Period!

It was now officially obvious that Thor never learns the lessons he should. But no one can play stupid with the fact that the god was adorable. And even though they weren't related by blood, Loki was, too. So it was hard to deny the two sons of Odin.

Steve was feeling in the mood to bake cookies. It was one of the good mood swings. The soldier had finished baking double chocolate chip cookies, just as the two gods came into the kitchen. Loki was the first to spot the fresh baked goods. "Steven, are those-"

"Loki, being pregnant means my moods are unexpected. Don't test it.", Steve warned, getting the second pan out. Once he placed the other batch on the plate, he turned to the duo. "You already know you're not allowed to have sugar when here. Especially when it comes to my cookies."

"But, Steven, I just want one cookie. Just one.", Loki pouted. The slightly shorter began to fall under Loki's saddened expression. Loki wins the most psychotic grin, but he also can make a very cute pout. "Please?", he had begged. Steve had finally agreed. "Okay. You can have one cookie." One, he said. One.

An hour had passed then and now the team was trying to stop raven haired male from putting spells on kittens to become his allies. "Rogers, why would you give him more than 10 cookies?!", Tony questioned, picking up two kittens while Thor had Loki slanged over his shoulder. Steve blushed. "He's too adorable to resist."

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to convince Wanda to do anything.

Sam wondered why no one has yet to sew Loki's lips together. Because somehow every time he speaks, something bad happens. Like now.

The Falcon thought when Steve gave him a call that they needed his help that it would a monster attack or riot happening. No. Instead he was picking up kittens and taking them out stores, libraries and parking lots.

Despite now being exhausted from five hours of clawing fluffy beings, it was worth it seeing Wanda being scowled and grounded for letting Loki persuade her in trying to control a cat army. Loki was placed in a time-out which made things funnier when he was banned from also watching Supernatural, too.

* * *

3\. He's not allowed to tease Steve. Especially when it comes to Thor.

Steve wasn't paying no mind to the things going him around him. He was so engrossed in his book, he cared not to see Clint climbing up to one of the vents again. Or Pietro going in after him.

The soldier was relaxed on the sofa, one hand holding his book while the other rubbed his growing stomach as he read the pages. No sooner, he felt weight being added next to him on the sofa. "Dear, future brother-in-law of mine.", a teasing voice cooed. Steve closed his book and looked to his left to see Loki. "Hi, Loki."

Loki gave a smile in return and leaned back next to Steve. "How are you? Feeling okay?"

Steve nodded. "Just fine. I just peed more than I ever had before so I feel relieved." Instead of commenting 'too much info' that was, the dark haired god just chuckled. "I'm glad to hear that." The blonde then felt a hand on his growing baby bump. He smiled, feeling how at ease Loki was at this. "Thor's excited for the baby.", the soldier admitted. Loki smirked. "I can believe it. My brother had always boasted about finding the worthy mate and how he wanted to have a family with him or her. He even promised to make his mate, which is you, happy."

"I am."

Loki shook his head. "No I mean _happy_ and _satisfied_. Especially with a certain activity." Steve had slowly began to understand. "L-Loki? Do you mean that Thor wants to make sure I am satisfied in... bed?"

"Why of course! Knowing how rough and savage my brother is in battle, I'm sure he's probably the same in bed. Or maybe the opposite. But you would know that, right?" Steve had begun to blush, his throat becoming dry. Loki chuckled at the success of embarrassing his brother's lover. "So do tell, Steven. Is he rough as he fights or gentle, treating you like a delicate flower? Especially since you're carrying his child and my niece or nephew."

Thor had walked in right at that moment to see the red tinted face of Steve. "Beloved? Is something the matter?" Loki shook his head. "Nothing at all. Just a little gossip."

* * *

4\. He's not allowed to use his specter in any manner such as violent ones.

"I'm sorry. You don't have what?!"

The woman standing by the various cupcake and cake mixes shivered under the intense glare. "I apologize greatly, but we have to wait for another stock of red velvet cupcake mix.", she answered. Loki growled under his breath. "That is ridiculous! How dare you defy me of a rather delicious flavor of the cupcake! This is nonsense!" A security guard then came up to the god. "Uh, sir? We need you to leave the store premises right away."

Loki crossed his arms. "Is that an order? Because if so, I'm not following."

The guard sighed. "Look. It's either you get out without any more unruly behavior or I drag you out." He didn't like that threat. Loki's eyes narrowed at the man. "Well, looks as if it's going to be the latter because it's going to take more than a mere threat to move me."

The guard growled. "Fine." He advanced forward not seeing Loki's specter appearing in his hand. "Always the hard way.", he mumbled. Just as he got a foot close to the ravenet, Loki flipped his specter over and whacked the guard off his feet while saying, "Not today, peasant!"

The man laid on the ground knocked out, resulting in a satisfied Loki and a few minutes later, a ban from the store and a time-out in the corner.

* * *

5\. Loki's definitely not to ever change the appearance of people. Especially if he's going to gender bend them.

It was terrible enough that when Loki was hyper that he used his powers to change people, but when he's actually sane is worse. Why? His mind is intact so he knows exactly how he wants his victims to look like.

For example, right now. The Avengers were attending another meeting, deciding to tag Loki along with him. The bad thing is… boring meetings plus Loki equals destruction. Loki was bored out of his mind, his face pressed against the table. He tried to drown out the monotone (which he believed) voices. Didn't work. Eventually a light bulb clicked in his head.

While Nick had his back turned, Loki had spelled the man. The team had begun to snicker as Nick became shorter and curvy. He had stopped mid-sentence when he noticed his voice was higher than usual. "Loki, please tell me you didn't!"

"You look ravishing, Director Fury.", the god teased. Fury growled, pulling out his gun and aiming to shoot the other.

* * *

 **So Loki will never learn. But he's awesome that way!**

 **Review!**


	9. Bucky Barnes

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Very first chapter and onward chappies have the disclaimer, notes, warnings, and summary.**

 **So I want to point out one thing!... Wait is with Marvel and New York? I have no problem with New York. Heck, I might to travel there one day, but it's just I noticed that somehow any Marvel movie, show, and other franchise mentions New York or a place near New York.**

 **Spider-Man/Peter Parker lives in New York and so does Tony Stark!**

 **Good ol' Cap is from Brooklyn.**

 **Eh. Doesn't matter anyways.**

 **One more thing. I didn't realize that Tony was referring to Steve at the end of "Age of Ultron" when he said "Like the old man said... together." until I watched the beginning over. *sighs***

 **So here's the Winter Soldier himself...!**

* * *

9 - Bucky Barnes

1\. Bucky's not allowed to tease Thor by claiming him and Steve dated.

It wasn't a secret of how watchful Bucky was when he saw Thor with Steve. Yet, he had no intentions of breaking them up because he loved seeing his "little brother" happy. In fact, he supported the relationship after seeing the type of person Thor is. He also liked to have fun with the thunder wielder.

The Winter Soldier was in the kitchen on a sunny afternoon, making himself a good ham sandwich. He was cutting up some lettuce just as Sam and Thor came in. He stopped cutting the green veggie to watch Thor go through the fridge and pull out various items. The blonde sat them next to Bucky's items, grabbing two bowls and utensils.

Sam had seated on one of the stools, a cup of juice in front of him. "So, Thor, what are you making this time for Steve?", he asked. Thor gave out a soft chuckle while cutting some carrots. "My beloved has requested for a dish of cut carrots, mayo, chocolate syrup, whipped cream between two slices of rye bread."

The Falcon made a face. "Yuck. I'm glad I can't get pregnant."

"Careful, Sam. You might meet an Asgardian and fall in love with him.", Bucky joked. "Unless you want a little of me first." Sam blushed, choking on his juice while Thor shot Bucky a look. "Barnes! That's just-!" Thor raised an eyebrow at the smug look on the brunet's face. "Brother Bucky, what are you speaking about?"

"Nothing, Thor. Just kind of remembering way back when Steve and I shared a bed."

"As if... just for sleeping?", Sam asked, getting over Bucky's earlier teasing. Bucky shook his head. "We slept after doing some... pillow-biting activities."

"WHAT?! YOU LAID WITH MY ANGEL?!"

Sam gasped and ducked under a table when Thor had threw out the jar of mayo on the ground. Bucky just stood there unfazed. "Yup. Steve and I use to date."

It was a good thing Steve and Natasha had arrived before all hell broke loose for certain.

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to go into "big bro mood" around Steve.

Today was one of those days when Steve thought it was a day he should hang out with his best friend. Number uno.

Thor had agreed, commenting how Bucky had gotten a bit use to everyone and now could spend some time with Steve since it was a while since they had to do some saving. So that's what the Soldier Duo did. They had agreed on going to a restaurant for lunch and then probably catch a movie later.

Steve had chosen a nice little cafe for the two. And now they were sitting in the said cafe, across from each other.

"I'm just saying, Bucky. I'm not judging, but I really think you should trim your hair just a little. Just a little."

"Steve, I'm not going back short. The military look works for you, but I like the rebel look on me."

"I do, too, Bucky. Just as your friend and your proclaimed brother, I'm just saying to trim it a little."

"What about Thor? He has long untrimmed hair. I know this."

Steve narrowed his eyes. "Don't talk about my man.", he warned before sipping into his caramel latte. Bucky chuckled. "I'm just joking around with you." The blonde gave a playful scoff. "Hm. I bet. Say I'm going to ask for some more napkins since we ran out here.", he announced, standing up. Bucky nodded, watching the other walk over to the counter. He kept an eye on the other, making sure nothing happened. Well, sure enough something did.

As Steve waited for the cashier to come back with napkins, some man had came and started to flirt with the soldier, who wasn't responsive to any of it, and at one point, smacking him on the ass. Without a second of waiting, Bucky was quickly by Steve's side with a protective arm around his shoulders. "Hey! He's taken, buddy.", he growled out.

The man scoffed. "By who? I hope not you." Steve was just about to speak about that, but Bucky beat him to it. "No, not by me. But I assure you the guy he is engage to wouldn't appreciate the flirting you're putting on my brother. As a matter of fact, where he's from they do some drastic things to people like you. So unless you're a bit kinky like that, I suggest you leave." The man just exhaled sharply with a roll of his eyes and left. When he was at a good distance, Steve spoke. "Just like ol' times. Thanks, Bucky."

"Are you okay, Stevie?" The other nodded. "Yeah. He didn't hit me on the butt that hard. Just a little surprised by that."

"Well, to make sure it does happen maybe you should wear..." Bucky trailed off when he realized that Steve's fingers were bare. He blinked, thought for a minute and then looked back up at Steve. "Steve, where's your engagement ring?"

"I don't have one.", the blonde answered in a second. Bucky frowned. "Why not? Doesn't Thor want to marry you?" Steve shrugged. "Well, we are technically married since I lifted Mjolnir and became his mate. I mean I'm having our baby."

"But you're not wearing a ring."

"Thor hasn't given me one yet. I guess... um..." Steve started to blush when he noticed the darkess clouding Bucky's eyes. "Um..." Bucky grabbed his hand while leading him out the cafe. "Come on, we have another talk to get done."

It was later when Thor had found himself proposing to Steve to marry on Earth terms with one of Bucky's specialized guns pointed at his hands. Loki stood in the corner laughing.

* * *

3\. He's not allowed to throw exploding devices because he's mad at Tony.

"I don't think I'll understand you... ever."

"Sometimes, I don't understand myself.", Clint commented as he climbed from one of the floor vents. "I shock myself in many ways." The archer went over to Bucky's side and starting watching him cut up some lettuce. "Making another one of your famous sandwiches?" Bucky nodded. "Don't judge me."

"I have no room to judge." Tony had then suddenly came into the room with a tablet in his hands. "Hey, I got to show this video of this cat. It's-" He wasn't watching where he going and ended up knocking a cup of orange juice all over Bucky's sandwich making items. It was silent except for heavy breathing and juice spilling onto the floor. Tony's cheeks heated from the accident. "Ooh. Bucky, I'm so sorry." Clint stepped back when he saw Bucky unclip something from his belt. "Oh my... Tony..."

There was a dramatic pause for some music to play in the background.

"Run." And that's what the scientist did. He hauled ass. Bucky chased after them, tossing bombs to him. In the midst of it, many, many things were destroyed.

* * *

4\. Or throw anyone and anything else either.

"JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES, PUT DOWN THE TABLE!"

"HE RUINED MY SANDWICH! THAT'S MY SANDWICH!"

"YOU WEREN'T EVEN DONE WITH MAKING THE FUCKING SANDWICH!"

"TONY, YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" Steve was trying to stop Bucky from throwing a table at Tony, who was trapped in a corner. Thor and Pietro pinned him down as Sam took the table and placed it back where it belonged. "Okay, Buck. Just calm down. Look I can just go down to the store and buy some more items to make your sandwich. Deal?" Bucky had nodded, still glaring at Tony. "Fine."

Thor and Pietro backed away from him when it seemed safe. Out of nowhere, he grabbed Bruce as he just walked in the room and threw him at the billionaire. Good thing Tony had calmed Bruce down before he Hulked out from shock when he caught him while Steve had gave Bucky a lecture this time.

* * *

5\. He's not allowed to be around Clint for a long period of time alone.

For once, Clint wasn't coming out the vents. Instead he was walking into the den, dressed in simple blue jeans and a dark grey tee. He had noticed the TV first and how it was playing one of his favorite shows, 'Sherlock Holmes'. He jumped on the sofa from behind and plopped down on it, not noticing Bucky until he spoke up.

"I reckon this is one of your favorite shows?"

"AH!" Clint had fell to the floor from the surprising question. He quickly composed himself when he realized it was just Bucky. "Oh my... can you for once not do that to people?"

Bucky shook his head. "It's funny. I don't think I'm going to stop. Ever."

"Even if-"

"Nope. Now shut up and watch the TV." Not wanting to get more on Bucky's bad side, Clint did just that. Eventually, when the episode was over another show came on, but it was a reality show Clint holds no liking to. So, crossing his arms and getting comfortable on the pillows he fell asleep.

An hour had passed since then. Bucky had too fell asleep. And in doing so, the duo had shifted positions on the couch. Clint ended up laying on Bucky's chest with his hands on the other shoulders while Bucky had his hands on the small of the archer's back. They had slept, comfortably until someone tapped harshly on their heads.

Clint woke up with a start, Bucky ready to shoot whoever it was with his gun he had on him. "What the fuck?!" They looked up to see both Pietro and Sam glaring at them with their arms crossed. "What is your problem?", Clint asked, removing himself from Bucky. He yelped in surprise when Pietro lifted him up and threw him over his shoulder. "What?! Pietro Maximoff! I swear-"

"You need some punishment, archer.", Pietro growled out before speeding out the room. Bucky had looked from the other two leaving and then back at Sam. He didn't look too happy. "What?"

"Nothing. Just know you're getting yours later. I reckon sleeping with both eyes open for a while.", the Falcon warned before leaving. Bucky, sensing the serious threat did sleep with both eyes for a while.

* * *

 **Hmm... do I any after commentary for this one?**

 **I don't think so. Review!**


	10. Sam Wilson

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Anybody else watch TruBlood? Anyone? I just recently got into watching the show (While trying to catch up on Supernatural because I totally forgot how many seasons they had! So many episodes! Darn those Winchesters for being so damn cute! And Castiel! He's guilty, too!)**

 **Anyways, just needed something to start this chapter off with. Something random. *notices the looks***

 **Oh! You know you guys love me! *cheeky smile***

 **So here's to our other Bird Bro!**

* * *

10 - Sam Wilson

1\. Sam's not allowed to play theme songs for each of the Avengers every time they walk in the room.

Tony, Steve, Pietro and Natasha had just gotten back from a mission of saving a group of people from a group of guys robbing a bank. When they got back, they cleaned up and allowed Wanda to tend to their wounds. Bruce had walked in the clinic with some needed supplies for her when out of nowhere Lady Gaga's 'Monster' started to play when he entered. Everyone stopped and looked to see Sam in the corner with his tablet playing the song. Bruce just glared.

Much later, the group found themselves watching a movie in the den, all except Steve, who was taking a nap. Thor was forced to come with the group since both Tony and Wanda thought it was creepy for him to stand over Steve and watch the soldier sleep for hours. They got he was protective of his mate, but... that was just... don't even want to talk about it.

Anyways...

The group was watching the movie, Pietro commenting how sucky the main female lead was. "She doesn't have any flavor in her acting. Even I can tell.", he hissed, each word emphasized by his accent. "Well, it's just brought of the whole... scheme? I don't know.", Natasha answered back. "Thor?", a quiet voice had added in. Said god looked back to see Steve coming in the living room. And with some tune playing in the background.

 **America! Fuck yeah!**

 **Gonna save the motherfucking day, yeah!**

Steve had stopped in his tracks, the group blinking in shock of where the music came from. They watched as the soldier stepped back into the hallway and then back into the room. A different song played.

 **Breathe out, breathe in**

 **America oxygen**

 **Every breath I breathe**

 **Chasing this American dream**

The blonde recognized the song, remembering instantly where he heard it from. "Sam Wilson. I swear I'll rip you a new one." Sam pouted, pausing the music on his tablet. "Always ruining the fun." But it didn't stop Sam.

Until one day at a meeting with Fury.

"All week he has been playing theme songs for us! He played 'Raining Men' and 'Threw it on the Ground' for Thor, 'Bird is the Word' for Clint, 'Black Widow' for Nat, 'Gotta Go Fast' for Pietro..."

"It's actually pretty catchy."

"Shut it. 'Black Magic' for Wanda."

"Little Mix is awesome!"

"Wanda! 'American Oxygen' and 'Fuck yeah! America!' for Steve and 'Worth It' for Vision. Weird. 'Monster' for Bruce and 'Applause' for me. Though I admit it's a good song for me.", Tony commented. "Either way! We have to get Sam back!"

Nick nodded in understanding. "I see. I know the perfect song. Wanda, I need you to break out your Ipod."

A little later, Sam had walked in the meeting room, ready to show the group something. "Hey! I have some news! Guess-"

 **Mama told me not to waste my life**

 **She said spread your wings**

 **My little butterfly**

 **Don't let let what they say keep you up at night**

 **And if they give you sh-**

 **Then they can walk on by!**

Sam's expression was pure gold at the reaction of the lyrics. The group laughed as the Falcon began to blush, crossing his arms. "Ha ha. Very funny.", he mocked. Steve ceased his laughing for a while to speak. "Sorry. Just... hee hee... I can't..." Sam huffed. "Jackasses."

"You started it, butterfly.", Clint retorted. "But remember, Sammy..."

 **These wings were made to fly!**

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to use his wings for fun.

It was a clear day at Headquarters. Despite the Captain being pregnant, he stood on the training field watching the new recruits. He wasn't that far along, so he was still was able to move around. Thor stood by, snacks and water ready if Steve needed any. "Beloved, are you sure you do not require a chair? What if you go into labor now? Or-?" Steve interrupted the other with a kiss and a added lick. "Thor, honey, I'm fine. With the serum, I'm not really all that exhausted. Or achy. You stop worrying so badly." The taller blonde nodded.

"Alright, Steven. But I'm still standing by.", he retorted. He turned to get the chair he brought with him to open it to sit in it when he felt a tug on his belt and someone unclipping Mjolnir from his waist. He looked up when he noticed a shadow moving up ahead. The figure had suddenly landed in a nearby tree, Mjolnir dropping to the ground.

Steve had noticed, too and followed Thor to the tree.

There, they found Sam in the tree, slouched over a branch.

"Sam?"

Said man looked up and chuckled nervously. "I thought it would be cool to try to lift the hammer by flying. Doesn't work."

* * *

3\. He's not allowed to join Clint in pranks.

Natasha and Pepper had sat in the kitchen at the counter top with many pictures and wedding magazines surrounding them. "I think the colors should be red, white and blue with a hint of black. I mean Thor and Steve both have red and blue in their everyday wear and uniforms.", Pepper commented. Natasha nodded in agreement. "Not going to disagree. I think we should use their birth flowers."

"Nah. Steve's would clash with the colors."

Suddenly, both Sam and Clint came inside the kitchen, holding hands and wearing matching rings. "Pepper! Nat! Guess what?! Sam and I are getting married!", Clint squealed happily. Pepper and Nat gasped in shock, both exchanging looks. "Sam, I thought you were with Bucky.", Natasha admitted.

Sam pouted. "No way. He's just a very close friend now. Besides, if he really liked me he would have been asked me out or something."

"And Clint, what about you and Pietro?", Pepper voiced. Clint scoffed, crossing his arms. "He's too into himself. No way would I ever date him!"

Pepper shrugged. "Well, looks like there's two weddings we have to plan." And they did for a week straight. And they did it as if their lives depended on it. Steve thought it was quite suspicious since he seen Bucky and Sam getting closer and Pietro practically following Clint around like a puppy. It wasn't until Tony discovered the wedding plans did the truth come out.

"Why isn't Steve and Clint wearing dresses?" Pietro had looked up from his phone to shoot Tony, Pepper, and Nat a look. "What does he mean? Isn't it just Steve getting married?" Nat blinked. "Pietro, you didn't know? Clint's marrying Sam." Bucky had crushed the Ipod in his hand, eyes turning to Sam. "Sam…" The Falcon chuckled nervously, stepping back slowly. "It was just a joke. Clint and I aren't really getting married." Pietro dashed over to Clint's side, surprising the older. "I hope not. I'm the only one to put a ring on this finger.", he hissed lowly in Clint's ear, making him shiver.

The archer blushed, coughing to cover up his embarrassment. "Good lord, Pietro." There was a sudden yelp from Sam. The group turned to see Bucky carrying him over his left shoulder with metal fingers holding him tightly. Natasha and Pepper had decided then to plan a wedding and two early honeymoons.

* * *

4\. He's definitely not allowed to go running with Steve, Bucky, or Pietro anymore.

It's been a while since the dark toned man took a nice run. He had lived in Washington DC and took runs there, but since he was staying in New York for a while now, he never thought about it.

It was nice now that Bucky had joined him and the captain of the team, really just to be there for Steve now that he was pregnant. Though Steve still had the capability to run and do other aerobic activities due to the serum. Bucky knew, but he was still cautious.

Sam was getting ready for a run, slipping on a tee and shorts when an idea came to his head. Maybe it was time to put some fun in the running today.

Bucky and Steve were running side by side in the New York City Park when there was a sudden shout of "ON YOUR EFFING RIGHT!"

They didn't get a good look of who it was, except for a nice blue blur. Steve had been frighten by it and jumped in Bucky's arms. Bucky had gotten aggravated the second time and decided for the third time to stop it. When he saw the blur coming, he stuck his foot out, tripping whoever it was.

Much to his annoyance, it was Pietro and Sam. "Sam, obviously none of my punishments are coming through to you.", he teased, lifting the younger man up bridal style. Sam just crossed his arms. "You and Steve have to be related. You never let me have my fun."

Nearby, Rhodey, Nick, Phil and Maria tried to famish the fact of how insane Sam was really over cones of ice cream.

* * *

 **Two chapters uploaded in one day! Hm. Go figure.**

 **I began to notice how some chapters are longer than others. Guess that what happens when you let your imagination run wild frequently. Anyways, review for this girl!**

 **PS. If you want to know the song of the lyrics from rule number one it's Little Mix's 'Wings' and Rihanna's Oxygen. They're both really good songs to me, more so 'Wings'. It's good to listen to when you're down and doubtful of yourself.**

 **Have a nice day!**


	11. Vision

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Oh boy! This chapter had to be pretty fun to do... like my other chapters, but still fun. It was a bit of a dowsy coming up with some bans with this awesome terrific guy, but I managed. *cheeky smile***

 **So because you love me (I'm a suck-up) you'll read this chapter and like it! LIKE IT! YOU HEAR ME?! (Nope. Not a suck-up. Just crazy.)**

 **Also, the song I mentioned last chapter, it's actually called "American Oxygen". I totally missed putting "American" in that for you peeps. Forgive!**

 **Onward to the use to be AI Jarvis...!**

* * *

11 - Vision

1\. Vision's not allowed to talk to Friday anymore.

Tony walked in the conference room, one of his many devices in his hands and ready to show the group something. "Hey, I got something big to show you. You will not believe the new design I came up with for the Quinjets."

He sat down his device on in the middle of the table. "Friday, can you display the blueprints for me, please?"

There was nothing. Nick raised an eyebrow at that. "Um... is this new design invisibility or you just didn't come up with anything?"

Tony scrunched his nose. "No. I did. But invisibility would be cool. Friday, what's going on?"

 **"I refuse to follow your requests any longer until you apologize."** , the female AI answered.

The genius frowned. "Friday, I'm sorry, but can you please tell me what I did to you?" There was a robotic sigh from the AI. **"Vision told me that Jarvis is much more better than me and that you claimed so."** Tony glared at the said male. "Vision..."

"That's payback for earlier. No one, and I mean, no one is allowed to call me an angry Smurf."

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to use the Mind Stone for fun or other unnecessary things.

Vision had entered the kitchen one morning to find Thor slunked over the table with Poptarts just a few inches from his hands. He could hear saddened groans from the thunder wielder. "Thor, are you alright?"

Thor shook his head, golden locks moving over his shoulders. "No. The toaster isn't working at the moment so I can't heat up this delicious fruity delight.", he moaned out of displeasure. Vision thought about it. "I could try to fix the toaster."

"I tried that. I broke many of the parts during the process.", the blonde admitted while sitting up. "It's an absolute misfortune."

Vision then smiled. "Not completely."

An hour later!

"Thor, have you seen my... What in the hell are you two doing?!", Steve asked, waddling, now showing a bit, into the kitchen. The kitchen was in complete disarray. There was many black sizzling marks shaped in V's and T's on the walls and other surfaces. Vision and Thor had stopped in their tracks, the Mind Stone glowing slightly while Mjolnir had small bolts emitting from it. Thor scratched behind his head. "Um... we were... redecorating?"

Steve crossed his arms. "Thor. You both know better. What were you doing to do this?"

"Well, it started with a broken, disabled toaster and the love of Poptarts.", Vision answered. The pregnant cap just sighed. "Please tell me you didn't..."

"At least my Poptarts are toasted!", Thor boasted happily, taking a bite out of said snack. "Want one, love?" Steve sighed, hoping that their child didn't take after Thor so much and that Vision stay away from said god for a while.

* * *

3\. He needs to lay off the anime or Disney movies for a while. Point, blank, period.

"Another mission completed! And no real damage this time!", Clint cheered as they boarded the Quinjet. Pietro was right behind, taking his shirt since it gotten acid on it.

"We fought in an isolated factory with an underground lair. Of course there was no real damage."

"Someone's a little upset.", the archer teased, Natasha and Wanda giggling at the tone. Pietro growled lowly. "I got acid on my favorite shirt. I can't find another one like it."

"Sonic, I totally can find one like that for you. You know this, right?"

Pietro just waved him off. "Eh. I liked that one." Tony just rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Everyone's on-board, right?", he asked. Thor was helping Steve into his seat. "Don't take off just yet. Steve needs to be sat down." Said soldier chuckled. "Thor, I'm just fine. I mean Vision had my back out there, right?" Said ex-AI smirked with a cross of his arms. "Yes. I did."

"Yup. Vision, you were terrific.", Wanda commented, taking a seat next to her twin who was now trying to cuddle Clint... without a shirt. Vision nodded. "What can I say? I'm one hell of a artificial human-being." Everyone just sighed, recognizing the reference to a certain anime. Even Steve.

Later!

Thor was the only one present at the moment since he had to head to Asgard to tell his father about his "shot-gun engagement" to Steve. He left Vision and Natasha to watch over his mate while he was away.

Right now, Natasha was coming from the kitchen with a bowl of vanilla ice cream and carrots. Yes, mixed together. She noticed that their leader had an appetite for carrots since he gotten pregnant. Hm.

The agent walked into the den to find Vision rubbing Steve's shoulders as he watched some movie on the television. He was more interested in the amazing shoulder massage than the movie. "Vision, I really appreciate you doing this for me. You didn't have to."

"Nonsense, Steven. Thor left me to watch over you. That includes keeping out for your comfort. You could say I'm your personal healthcare companion."

Bucky had walked in that moment to hear Vision's words. He shook his head, sighing. "I understood that reference, Baymax."

* * *

4\. He's not allowed to call Dr. Cho, Tony, or Thor his parents.

"Wow."

"I know. It's just so... strange."

"Yup."

Natasha and Pepper sat next to each other watching Steve draw in his sketchpad was listening to music. The female duo watched closely as Steve moved his sketchpad around, turning it and drawing in an area before moving it back in its original position.

"I think it's kind of cute he's having a baby in his tummy.", Nat admitted. "Adds to the adorableness he already has." Pepper nodded. "Oh yes. Oh! How about we have the baby shower and wedding on the same day?"

"No."

"Come on! It will be-" She stopped when they noticed Vision and Thor walking in, the hammer wielder going to the soldier's side. He gave the slightly smaller man a kiss before kissing down beside him and leaning down to his stomach. "Hey there, dear tiny angel of ours. Because of you, your mother's glowing spectacularly.", Thor teased. Steve smacked the back of his playfully. "Don't call me that."

Vision took the space on the other side of the soldier. "Hm. Would this mean that you're my stepmother now?" The two blondes exchanged confused looks to each other before shooting the red tinted male the stares. Pepper and Natasha were not too far behind. "What?", Steve questioned.

"Well, Thor gave me the power needed to bring me to life, right? So that kind of make him my other father. Tony would be the other one because he created my previous life that now resides inside this body of mine that Dr. Cho created with vibranium, making her my mother."

It took a while for it to all sink in. "Let me take a guess. Tony, Sam, or Clint told you this?", Nat asked. Vision shook his head. "Actually, it was Dr. Banner."

* * *

 **When you think about Vision does kind of have three parents. Helen, creating his body. Thor, giving him that power, and Tony for creating his "life force" aka Jarvis!**

 **Ultron would probably have Tony and Bruce as his parents, Bruce contributing to making his program, right?**

 **This is all so... mind-boggling. Just so... *blows raspberry*.**

 **Review!**


	12. Ultron

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Okay. So here's an another added note for ya!**

 **This chapter is taking place during the events of "Age of Ultron" for the sake of this candidate. Yup. You might already have a clue of who.**

 **And if you don't, here you go!**

 **Number 12, a bad guy we just can't simply hate because he's too cool sometimes...!**

* * *

12 - Ultron

1\. Ultron just shouldn't watch Disney movies for a while. Or at all.

Having access to the internet worked in glorious ways for Ultron. For thing, he found the treasure of Disney movies. Especially one in particular.

At the moment, he was invading one of the many locations that supplied the materials he needed for his master plan. He was humming some tune, watching as his metal army raided boxes and carrying them out. Wanda and Pietro stood behind him after taking care of the employees and security guards that worked there.

They could hear the tune, faintly recognizing it. "Ultron, what is that song that you're humming?", the female twin asked. Ultron turned to the duo, stopping his humming. "Just a song from this film called 'Pinocchio'. It's very relatable."

"Oh? What how does it go?", Pietro asked. Seeing the metal mouth of Ultron's turn into a grin, he quickly regretted it.

"It goes a little like this…"

* * *

 _ **I've got no strings**_  
 _ **To hold me down**_  
 _ **To make me fret, or make me frown**_  
 _ **I had strings**_  
 _ **But now I'm free**_  
 _ **There are no strings on me**_

 _ **Hi-ho the me-ri-o**_  
 _ **That's the only way to be**_  
 _ **I want the world to know**_  
 _ **Nothing ever worries me**_

 _ **I've got no strings**_  
 _ **So I have fun**_  
 _ **I'm not tied up to anyone**_  
 _ **They've got strings**_  
 _ **But you can see**_  
 _ **There are no strings on me**_

 _ **You have no strings**_  
 _ **Your arms is free**_  
 _ **To love me by the Zeider Zee**_  
 _ **Ya, ya, ya, if you would woo**_  
 _ **I'd bust my strings for you**_

 _ **You have no strings**_  
 _ **Couci couca**_  
 _ **Your savoir faire is oo-la-la**_  
 _ **I've got strings but entre nous**_  
 _ **I'd cut my strings for you**_

 _ **Down where the Volga flows**_  
 _ **There's a Russian rendez-vous**_  
 _ **Where me and Ivan goes**_  
 _ **But I'd rather go with you, hey!**_

 _ **There are no strings on me!**_

* * *

The twins had slowly backed away from Ultron, sensing the creepiness and psycho off of him. They promised to never watch 'Pinocchio'.

About a month later!

Tony had decided it was Disney movie night, walking in the living with a selection of them. "Okay, so we have 'Brave', 'Frozen', 'Lion King', 'Pinocchio'-"

"NO! JUST NO! ANY OTHER MOVIE BUT THAT ONE!", the twins shouted, standing from their seats and running out the room.

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to revert to immediate violence because he's mad at someone.

The man could only blink at the taller figure in front of him. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Was he going crazy or what?

A large metal man with a set of twins with enhanced powers? The guard was questioning his sanity. "So... I'm sorry, but am I really seeing this? Are you... real?" If Ultron had actual eyebrows he would have raised them up.

"What do you mean 'real'?"

The man rubbed his eyes before rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I really am. It's just... I think I'm going insane right now. I mean... it's not every day you see a giant metal being. But can I comment on how awesome you look?"

Ultron nodded, crossing his arms. "Thank you. Working on an upgrade for this body, but I never thought someone would like this design."

"It's awesome." It was quiet for a moment. "Um... what are you here for?"

"Just here to raid a few things.", Ultron answered without a care. Pietro and Wanda exchanged looks. They began to question the craziness Ultron possessed. They watched as the man stepped aside. "Go ahead, dude. I have a feeling you might hurt me if I don't let you through." Ultron nodded again. "Appreciate that."

Before he could step inside the building, an arrow was shot, hitting his shoulder and then another hitting the glass door. The three turned to see the Avengers just a few feet away, weapons ready. Clint had his arrows pointed at the metal being. "If I were you I would step away from that door."

Ultron groaned in frustration, swinging his arm back. "WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS TRY TO STOP ME?!"

THUD! Everyone stopped in their tracks and saw that the guard was laying on the ground unconscious. Where he was standing a few seconds there was a large dent in the wall. Ultron winced. "Oooohhhh. I'm so sorry. I'm sure he's alive, right?"

Natasha walked over and bend down to the unconscious male. "Um... it's... unclear..."

After that, there wasn't any fighting or raiding buildings for evil plans.

* * *

3\. He shouldn't use the internet for mere entertainment.

Steve stared at the screen in complete shock. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't even famish it! And now he wished he didn't know how to work electronics.

Thor and Tony walked into the room, the taller blonde going over to see next to his chosen one. He noticed the displeasure on the captain's face. "Angel? Does something ails you?"

Steve quickly closed his laptop, gasping out of shock when he heard the baritone voice. "Uh... nothing! Nothing at all!"

"Stevie... what are you hiding?", Tony asked in a sing-song voice. The other male shook his head rapidly. "If I show you... someone might die today... specifically you."

"Why me?"

Thor walked to Steve's side, sitting next to him and putting his arms around his waist. The smaller blonde tensed up. Tony tapped his chin. "Hmmm... Steve, what are you hiding? What were you looking at before?" The soldier shook his head. "No. No. It's... nothing at all."

Tony was suspicious of Steve's answer. He had to be hiding something.

Later!

The genius had managed to hack into Steve's laptop while the soldier had his daily nap. It was easy, taking only ten minutes to do. Tony scrolled through Steve's history and found what he was looking for. He didn't expect any of it. The pictures... the stories... the news! Tony quickly closed the laptop, blushing red at the content he witnessed. "Who... would... do this?", he asked himself.

Far away in a "secret" evil lair!

Ultron couldn't but laugh knowing somewhere that both Tony and Steve were having some traumatic thoughts on the Stony fandom on the internet.

* * *

4\. He can't play tag with Pietro anymore.

Wanda have seen her brother do a lot of weird things. From before and after they got their powers. Such as "secret" fawning over the Avengers' little archer.

But this was just ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous.

"Pietro? What is going on? What happened here?", she asked, stepping further into the somewhat lit room. There was scattered broken pieces of the metal army Ultron had around the room. Some were still moving, making robotic groans of pain, and were definitely destroyed. The actual Ultron was in the middle of the mess, holding Pietro upside-down by his right ankle. The speedster was trying to get out his grip. "Okay! You win You win!", he squealed. Ultron dropped on right on his ass. "I thought so. I didn't cheat. Just using my advantages. I mean you were using yours."

"Because I can." Wanda cleared her throat to catch their attention. "Um... can I get some answers here?"

"Oh. We were just playing tag. Ultron kept switching bodies though.", the male twin answered.

From that day forward, Pietro couldn't tag either. Especially with Ultron.

* * *

 **So I only have two more chapters before I do... *drumroll*... NICK FLIPPING FURY!**

 **Yup, I don't know if I mentioned this, but I'm saving him for last. Yup, yup, yup.**

 **In the mean time, review!**


	13. James Rhodes and Pepper Potts

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Decided I should do a shared chapter for these two. Because they're both companions of Tony's, I decided to put them together. Not as a shipping though. Not saying that I'm bashing them being together! Everyone has their preferences!**

 **But where was I going with this?**

 **So yeah, wrote this chapter with these two.**

 **Onward to these two...!**

* * *

13 - James Rhodes and Pepper Potts.

1\. Rhodey's not allowed to take Tony's Iron Man suits.

Clint and Natasha was on another mission with the Twins and Thor, with Tony as their pilot. Cap was back at Headquarters with Thor to give them the go-to through their comm. links. "Alright, Tony. I need you land at least a mile from the the point, got it?"

"Roger that, Cap.", the genius teased.

Steve sighed. "Tony, don't."

"Not doing anything.", the brunet retorted, landing the Quinjet by a clearing. "But are you sure that I can't go with them?"

"Need you to be ready when they get the package of the Jet to investigate it."

"Alright." Clint had stepped forward to Tony's side looking at one of the devices and reading the contents it displayed. "So another illegal experimentation going on, huh? And a mad scientist by the name of Dr. Harold Travsburg. Says here he was discharged from his status when they found his secret experimentation on five young women and men. In the process of it, he was trying to create animal-human hybrids."

"You realize this was said at the meeting, right?", Nat questioned. "Yeah. Just like to review my notes. So anyways, this guy use to be a big scientist and tried to combine DNA between animals and humans?"

"Zoologist, actually. And yes, as a matter of fact, his methods of doing so was extremely... unsanitary." Clint made a face at Tony's words. "The dude's just sick."

"Sick or not, those people have to be saved. So get in there."

"How's it looking, Mother Rogers?", Pietro questioned. Steve hissed throught the comm. link. "Don't call me that. Anyways, there's about seven guards surrounding the facility. Three in the front and four in the back. But before you get to them, there's an electrical fence surrounding them. You can't dig under it though, but you can sure as hell fly through it. That's when you come in Thor. When you get inside, try to blast an opening through the fence, but at this area."

A map was displayed for the group, a red mark on one area. "It's a blindspot. No guards, nor no windows where anyone can see you. But be careful. Don't be too loud or anything. You don't want to attract attention until last minute. Got it?"

"Yes, beloved."

"Good. Now hop to it."

"You hear the Captain.", Tony said. "Proceed on Rescue Save the Peeps!"

"Classic, Tony.", Wanda huffed as they boarded off.

Thirty or so minutes passed then. Tony was sitting back on the Quinjet, listening in on the team. He was distracted by a guy shouting, "BIG BUFF GUY WITH HAMMER! WATCH OUT!", when a shadowed figure creeped up behind him and gagged him with a rag. In a matter of seconds, Tony found himself tied up and gagged, tied to the ceiling of the jet as he watched the other put on his Iron Man suit and fly off.

Meanwhile!

"Wanda, force field now!", Nat ordered, dodging a bullet while pushing one of the woman victims aside. Wanda placed up a shield, saving them from being hit. Clint was shooting arrows at the guys each second. "It's like they keep coming like... like ants! We actually could go for one of Tony's rockets since Thor's knocked out."

Travsburg actually succeeded in one of his experiments and had a large lizard woman attack them when the team found him. Pietro made a joke of how Peter kicked its (actually a she) ass last month. It set her off and she ended up knocking out Thor. Good thing though Wanda used her gift to knock out the lizard hybrid.

"This is so not fair. When we get home, I'm eating my brownies and chilling out in the vents."

"Not without me, my little archer. We should have a nice soothing bath before then.", Pietro teased. Clint blushed as a arrow shot from his bow, hitting one guy in the leg. "Pietro, must you be so blunt?"

"Only with you."

"Alright, Quickass. Hey, Nat get in touch with Tony, would ya?"

"He won't answer!", the female agent shouted. "It's like he's sleeping or something!"

"Or he's just coming to rescue us.", Wanda added as a familiar red and gold figure landed in front of them and shot a rocket at the group of shooting guards. They all fell down, being knocked out from the impact. When it was clear, Wanda let down the force field. "That's was... intense. Thank you, Tony."

Just a nod.

The group went back to the Quinjet to find the back door opening, revealing a tied up Dr. Harold Travsburg sitting in one of the seats. "Wow. He managed to escape before we could catch him. You got him, Stark?", Pietro questioned. Just another nod as Thor was sat down. The thunder wielder began to awake up. "Ugh... I had the most strangest of dreams. Clint actually had wings. And Tony was replaced by-" He stopped short when he looked to his further right. "Um... friends? Why is the Man of Iron tied up and dangling from there?"

Everybody else looked in Thor's line of sight and gasped. Tony was swinging about since he was kicking his legs and mumbling loudly through his gag. Pietro quickly got him down, getting him out his ropes and uncovering his mouth. "Tony, what happened?"

Tony pointed furiously at the "other" Iron Man. "He is what happened! He tied me up and gagged me! And then took my suit and flew off!"

Wanda and Natasha exchanged confused looks. "So... if that's not Tony...", Wanda started.

"Then who is it?"

The man unmasked the suit, revealing himself to be...

"Rhodey?! What the hell are you doing here?", Clint questioned. Rhodey chuckled. "I actually been on the Quinjet for the past two days. I just happened to be here for this mission."

"Wait. Why were you on the Quinjet, Rhodey?", Thor asked. "Well, I was actually waiting to prank Tony." He then glared at said billionaire. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RAVISHING BRUCE IN MY BED AT THE MILITARY BASE! NO ONE DOES THAT WHILE THEY'RE VISITING!"

* * *

2\. Pepper's not allowed to use her status for the fun of it.

Truth be told, Bruce was okay with Pepper taking him out the Tower for the day. He did needed to be out more often. Being hogged up between his room and the lab wasn't okay. And if Tony, of all people, had to tell him to get out, then that's saying something.

So here he was, standing next to Pepper in a clothing store, looking between the different designs of shirts and pants for him. Pepper insisted on buying him another wardrobe. She even tried to persuade him on choosing a sexy leather outfit to wear one night just so he can have it laying on the floor later while Tony have his way with him. As nice, and very pleasing, as that sounds, Bruce was not ready for that just yet.

But right now, he settled for Pepper on buying him stuff. "How about this? It looks like a cute color on you.", the redhead said, holding up a dark teal plaid flannel shirt to his chest. "Wanna try it on?"

The brunet nodded, not wanting to have a repeat of before when he said no. Pepper looked around and spotted the dressing room area. She lead him over, stopping by the counter. "Excuse me. My friend would like to-"

"All of the dressing rooms are full right now, miss.", the employee said. It was a young male with dark auburn hair and hazel eyes. Like other employees he wore a dark red shirt and black pants.

Pepper narrowed her eyes. "I doubt it. You didn't go check and see. Also, there's not much people in today. So I bet you there's at least two rooms open." The employee just gave her a look. "Right. Right. Miss, the rooms are full.", he mocked, going back to texting on his phone.

"Okay."

Bruce watched as the redhead made a call. A few minutes later, she hung up with a smile on her face. "Pepper?"

"Don't worry, Brucey." She turned to the male on the other side of the counter. "Sir, as of right now, you're fired."

"WHAT?!", the auburn haired one shouted, dropping his phone. "HOW?!"

"I just brought the store. That's how. I am the CEO of Stark Industries after all."

An hour and a half later, the duo found themselves discussing random things over slices of red velvet and caramel cake. "I'm just saying. Their child is going to be a boy."

"Maybe you're right, Pepper.", Bruce agreed while biting into his cake. He had let out an appreciated moan of the taste. "This is so good."

"I know, right? I'm thinkng about buying this bakery." The brunet gave her a shake of his head, brown curls bouncing. "Pepper Potts, you already brought two clothing stores, a shoe shop, a cafe, and three yogurt bars. Tony's going to be disappointed."

Though Pepper didn't care, Tony was actually disappointed to find he was an owner of two clothing stores, a shoe shop, a cafe, and three yogurt bars.

* * *

3\. Rhodey's not allowed take Sam, Steve, and Bucky anywhere.

"Angel? Beloved? Love? Steve?"

Wanda looked up from her book as Thor entered into the den with Vision. He looked quite worrried, Steve's name being called from his lips.

"Thor?"

"Sister Wanda, Steve has disappeared.", he answered. Wanda stood up. "Oh no. Do you know how long he's been gone?"

"For about an hour or two now. He's no where in the Tower.", Vision said as Natasha, Bruce and Tony came in following her. "Neither are Rhodey, Bucky and Sam.", Bruce said. "Checked everywhere." Pietro shifted on the couch, Clint resting his head on his lap while sleeping, too. Natasha cooed. "They're so cute."

"Yeah. Real cute. Come on, we should go find them.", Tony said. "Friday, set up my suit, please?"

 **"Not necessary, Tony. It appears you're missing persons are back."**

They turned when they heard four foot falls. Steve, Sam, Bucky (those two holding hands) and Rhodey came in. All dressed in military men suits! They were laughing and so. "I didn't even know you could handle that large of a firearm, Steve!", Rhodey said. Steve smiled. "Thank you, Rhodey. I didn't know either." The four stopped when they noticed the stares the others were giving them. "Um..."

"Steven, where were you?", Thor asked, going over to him and grabbing his hands. Steve giggled when the other kissed them tenderly. "Rhodey took me, Bucky and Sam to the military base to met the others. They're nice men and women. Oh look!" He pulled out a small hunter green onesie out from a bag he brought in. "They gave us cute little clothes and other things for the baby! Some thought it was strange that I was pregnant but when told them about you they came around."

"Steve also shot a bazooka!", Sam cheered. "It was amazing!"

"Wait, Rogers, you're pregnant!", Tony protested. "I was careful, I swear." Thor crossed his arms. "Love, next time tell me where you're going before you take off like that." Steve blushed. "Sorry. But I was so giddy when Rhodey told me where he was taking us. I don't know if it's the hormones or the fact I use to be in the army."

"I'm going with both.", Bucky admitted. "You snapped at that one dude for complimenting your glowing skin."

"Who is this man so I can destroy him?", Thor asked, taking Mjolnir out. Steve took the hammer from him. "Not today, love."

Natasha and Tony went over to Rhodey. "Next time tell everyone where you go off to.", Tony said. Rhodey crossed his arms, walking off and telling himself that he couldn't trust Friday anymore.

* * *

4\. Pepper shouldn't go any shopping sprees with Natasha anymore.

Since Bruce decided to go on a lunch date with Tony today (How cute.) and Wanda can't go with Pepper anymore to any shops, Pepper decided to bring the next best person... well, first best person, Natasha Romanoff.

Nat wasn't doing anything around the Tower and there wasn't any missions today, so she agreed to go with. The two spent at least five hours at the mall, buying things for themselves and the team. Though Pepper had to strain away from certain stores.

They got back with loaded bags of presents. Pietro and Thor helped them bring up the bags when they arrived. "You won't believe all the stuff we brought you guys!", Pepper cheered, putting a bag in Steve's hand. The captain opened the bag and cooed at the little Thor plushy. "Awww. Pepper, that's sweet of you."

"It's to replace your other plushy. Think of it as an early baby shower gift."

Clint went through his bag and blushed at the contents in it.

"N-Nat! Really?! I know it was you who brought this!", he shouted, closing the bag and hiding it behind his bag. Natasha giggled. "You may might not like it, but Pietro will love it."

The speedster chuckled, now stepping over to the archer and trying to pry the bag from his hands. "Now I'm interested. What is in the bag?"

"N-Nothing. Nothing at all.", Clint mumbled, stepping further from the taller, younger male. "You'll hate it. Nat was just joking."

"I still want to see it, my bird." While those two "discuss" the bag, the others continued opening their gifts. Wanda had gotten many clothes and jewelry, her favorite present being a bright red jacket with zippers on the sleeves. Thor didn't questioned why he got five boxes of pocky and five boxes of poptarts. He was extremely happy.

"My beloved mother of our child, let's go watch a romance film that will make us laugh over the enjoyment of the cookie sticks and poptarts!" Steve laughed when Thor lifted him bridal style and carried him to their now shared room.

Tony chuckled. "Steve's gotta enjoy having Thor being the father of their kid. The guy's such a lovable bear!"

"One giant teddy.", Bucky agreed, putting on the black knife belt Pepper got him. "Cool."

"PIETRO!" The group averted their attention back over to where Clint and Pietro was. Clint was now pinned to the floor with Pietro between his legs. He was flustered, trying to pry the bag from the other's hands. "GIVE IT BACK!"

It was too late. Pietro had already looked inside, and now he was grinning from ear to ear. "Natasha really has great taste. How about we get you into this and see how sexy it looks on you, no?" Clint wanted to cry then. "No!"

Pepper and Nat shared laughs as Clint was carried off by Pietro to his room with the bag in his hand. The archer cursed them and their shopping sprees.

* * *

5\. They're not allowed to coax Friday into anything anymore.

Another day, another meeting. The group was discussing their last mission with the animal-human hybrids. Nick had them each view the files that Travsburg had. "So only the lizard woman was one of the successful ones. And two died from previous experimentation from five years ago. Wonder what made Travsburg want to start his project then.", Tony said, throwing the folder on the desk. "It was cruel. How could he do that to people? To animals?"

"Same reason any person with a bad rep. Power. Money. Control.", Bruce answered. "Are the others that were rescued okay?"

"Just fine. They're back with their families safe and sound. One of the men, 21 year old college student, Adam Marks had to be hospitalized. Good news was he recovered in a week and now he's continuing his studies.", Nick said.

"He was the one we gotten from the other room. Travsburg was just in the process of adding animal DNA to him. What was it?", Wanda questioned. "Feline. Panther actually.", Natasha answered. "What about the lizard lady, Fury?"

Fury asked for Friday to pull up a video. "Well, currently, we have her under medical care, see if we could find a cure for her. She's down in the underground-"

"Fury, that isn't her.", Steve said with a blush. Nick turned to the screen and saw it wasn't the video he wanted. Instead, it was a picture slideshow of Steve. Said blonde blushed even harder when one picture showed up with him laying on his back with his hand rubbing his stomach while he slept. "Aaaaawwww! Steve, how adorable!", Bucky teased. Cap glared at him. "Shut it, Bucky!" Thor was watching was the slideshow intensely. "Beloved, you look magnificent with our child growing within you."

"Thor!"

"I wonder who decided this.", Sam pondered. He got his answer when the last slide said, "Courtesy of Rhodey and Pepper!"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess. Friday, they coaxed you into this?"

It was silence from the AI. "Friday...", Vision pushed. Friday gave a sigh. **"They persuaded me. Besides, I like slideshows!"**

* * *

6\. They also can't use Dummy in their pranks anymore either.

"Never thought I'd seen the day. This is a Kodak moment."

"Bruce, I love you, but I will hurt you."

"Just surprised." The curly haired brunet went over to the billionaire's side, watching him cut up various vegetables before flipping some meat over in a pan. "What is this for anyways? You're cooking at three in the afternoon."

"Well, I decided to do something special for the team. Celebrate our Team Blonde, Buff, and Blue-Eyed's engagement and their coming baby, Bucky and Pietro finding their special halves, us. Just the usual happy stuff." Bruce cooed and pinched Tony's cheek before kissing it. "Sweet of you."

"Hm." Steve then walked in, wearing light pink silk pajamas. Bruce and Tony eyed him as he opened the freezer and grabbed a container of ice cream and then a spoon. He sat down on a stool and began to eat it. "Wow. That's the most normal thing I have seen you eaten.", Tony admitted. Steve shrugged. "I know. I just laying in the bed, Thor rubbing my stomach before I had this sudden urge to eat ice cream."

"And you got it now. Is it good?", Bruce asked, taking a seat next to the soldier. Steve nodded. "Yeah. But you know it needs?"

"Sprinkles? Whipped Cream?"

"Nope. Carrots and mustard."

Tony made a face before sighing. "Normal eating moment's gone. Also, what's up with the pink PJs?"

"Nat got them for me. I like them."

"No offense, but you remind me of the Energizer Bunny."

That's when tears started to pool around Steve's eyes. "Are... are you saying I'm.. fat?"

Tony quickly put down the knife he was holding and ran to Steve's side. "No. No. You... look cuddly. Anyone could just nuzzle you because you're so damn cute! I'm not calling you fat, Steve."

"Yes you are! That's probably why Thor doesn't want to have sex with me anymore!"

"Steve, too much info! Besides, I think Thor doesn't want to... fondue with you because he's being careful with you. He doesn't want to hurt you or the baby.", Bruce said. Steve calmed himself down. "Really?"

"He loves you, Stevie. Why do you think he's marrying you?"

"Bucky had him at gunpoint."

"Not the point. But-" Bruce stopped short. The smell of smoke began to penetrate through the air. "Smell that?" Tony turned and saw that the meat was on fire. "Oh no!" Out of nowhere, Rhodey and Pepper came and shouted, "DUMMY! TONY'S ON FIRE!"

A robotic arm came out, spraying Tony with fire extinguisher foam. Tony had become a big pile of foam before he could tell Dummy to stop. "DUMMY! THE MEAT! SPRAY THAT!"

And Dummy did so. Pepper and Rhodey high-fived each other with laughs. "Yes! Thanks, Dummy!", Pepper said. Tony sighed. "This sucks. This is the last time I ever try cooking."

* * *

 **I can imagine Rhodey taking Bucky, Sam and Steve on a field trip to the military base. Good times. Good times.**

 **Review!**


	14. Phil Coulson and Maria Hill

**The Things Nick Banned Us to Do**

 **Another paired chapter of two of my fav agents! I totally see these two as Smash Bros... well Bro and Sis. They're so freaking awesome!**

 **Anyways, I have good news! Next chapter is the last chapter, but it's the chapter everyone has been requesting and waiting for! *DRUMROLL***

 **IT'S FOR NICK FURY! WHOOO!**

 **So celebrate and go on and read about the two agents we all know and love...!**

* * *

14 - Phil Coulson and Maria Hill

1\. Phil isn't allowed to prove how big of a Cap fan he is.

"I can't believe you, Wanda. Why in the world would you do that to your twin?"

"Natasha, he shouldn't have been picking from my plate. I don't joke about my food."

The group entered into the den, Friday clicking on the lights for them. They were busy discussing what happened at the restaurant. Apparently, Pietro wanted some of Wanda's pasta and picked off her plate. In turn, she spelled him. And it was Clint who suffered mostly. Pietro's love for him increased tenfold and Clint was generally molested and kissed in front of a crowd of people. It got worse when Pietro got him on his lap and tried to push it further. Thankfully, Steve managed to knock him out.

So Bucky carried the speedster home while Thor had a passed out and flustered Clint.

Now here they were... not noticing the new look of the room.

"It was very immature, Wanda.", Steve scowled, much like a mother would to her child. Wanda frowned. "I'm sorry. I won't do that again."

"You better. You're not too old to be grounded."

The magic user nodded in understanding. She sighed, flopping down on the couch. The feel and color of it caught her attention. Wanda looked at it, gasping at its appearance. "Umm... guys?" The group turned, finally catching the couch's appearance. "Oh my word.", Natasha gasped. The couch was a bright blue with white stars. The pillows were red and white striped. "What...?", Bucky muttered. Steve looked around the room and gasped, recognizing the pictures and signature colors spread across the room.

"Oh my... is that... me?"

Everywhere were pictures of the famous Captain America, in and out of uniform. Also from recent times and before he went into ice. Three large posters that completely covered the windows had him in battle, one of them standing with the other five Avengers, during the Chituari battle.

The furniture and other objects were covered in red, white, and blue. Even the walls was painted in the colors. Tony growled. "Who the hell did this?!"

Sam walked over to a red envelope laying on the newly decorated coffee table. He flipped it over to read the address. "Steve, it's for you, buddy.", he said, handing the slightly taller the red paper. Steve opened it, pulling out a small note and reading its contents.

 _ **"Hope you like the new room. Took about two hours to do, but totally worth it! From your biggest fan! Also, tell Tony to never taunt me about being "obsessed" with you. I'm a fan, not some stalkerish high school girl. If I was so obsessed you wouldn't have been a virgin when Thor took you. And you two wouldn't be together. Just saying."**_

Steve looked up to see Tony fuming like crazy, his face red with anger. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL PHIL!"

* * *

2\. Maria isn't allowed to make bets with Natasha and Pepper anymore.

The brunette stood between two redheads, watching the movement around the HQ. Some were busy tracking down any harmful activity, some were training on the field grounds, some were even brewing coffee. But it was one scene that caught their attention.

Sam had just landed in from testing out his new wings. Steve and Bucky had walked over to him to see how he did, the brunet soldier rubbing his arms and kissing his cheek.

"Hmmm... you think they done it yet?"

Pepper and Natasha exchanged looks before eyeing Maria. She turned and noticed. "What?"

"Just an 'out-of-the-blue' question?", Nat teased a little. Maria just shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, it's obvious that they have to be dating just how obvious that science is a turn-on for Tony and Pietro has a thing for Clint in tight clothing."

"Well, they are dating. Steve actually pushed it."

"Yup. But just wondering if they actually had sex.", Maria finished. She continued to watch the couple interact. Bucky had swept Sam off his feet, carrying him out the room. Maria smirked, an idea coming to her head. "I bet twenty dollars they haven't had sex." Pepper had finally made a sound, which was a scoff. "I bet thirty they have." Natasha crossed her arms. "I bet twenty-five bucks they haven't, and when they do... it will be in a week from now."

"Well, if they haven't, I bet they'll do it within three days."

"You're so on, Maria!", Pepper said. The three women shook hands and went their separate ways.

It was the very next day when they found out Sam and Bucky haven't had sex. Thor had boasted about satisfying Steve, by accident, the next morning while eating Poptarts when they noticed the long scratches on his shirtless back. Sam had made a face, commenting it was too much info for his virgin ears. In turn, Pepper had asked if he was one, and got a shy answer of yes. Of course, the redhead CEO was disappointed that she owed Nat and Maria thirty dollars, but it was worth it. She could witness the bet battle between the two.

And both redheads learned that Maria was truly competitive. After a meeting with Nick at the HQ, Maria pulled Bucky to the side and had a talk. "Haven't you seen the way he looks at you, Barnes? Sam looks ready and I'm sure that if you do it just right it was be pleasurable for both of you." Bucky had went on, thinking about it. Soon after Maria had scouted out Sam and gave him the same talk.

Not knowing her plan, the couple went on thinking about her words. It was on the third night when they confronted each other. In seconds, words into pillow-biting. Sam couldn't come out the following morning.

It was then obvious to who won the bet.

Nick had another mission for the team. Sam, Bucky, Thor, Maria and Nat was sent on it. They had rescued another groups of experimental victims from a group of thugs. They got out safe and made it back to the HQ with the people.

"I'm glad we got out alive, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten my twenty-five from Natasha.", Maria said as they went into the meeting room to give their report. Natasha huffed. "You cheated." The brunette laughed. "But they still did it. I won the bet."

"What bet?", Steve asked as he came in the room with Fury and Phil. Maria and Nat chuckled nervously, remembering that who they betted on was in the same room. "Um... just a silly bet.", Nat said. Steve crossed his arms. "Natasha... Maria... what did you bet on?"

Maria sighed. "Fine. Pepper, Natasha, and I had a bet whether or not Bucky and Sam had sex."

"WHAT?! YOU HAD A BET ON MY SEX LIFE?!", Sam shouted. Nick just sighed.

* * *

3\. Phil should just... stay away from Clint for a while.

Fury had hoped today would go smooth today in the meeting room. He had a lot on his mind about what they had to discuss. Recent missions, the people they rescued, cargo, Stark's new tech system for the computers for the HQ and Hellicarrier. All that good stuff.

He had manila folders in hands, reading the papers in one of them, when he entered the meeting room. For once, it was generally calm. Tony was looking through some plans on his personal tablet while discussing it with Bruce. Steve and Thor was listening to Maria as she talked about the last assignment. Bucky and Sam was talking to each other, in what Nick thought were sane terms. Natasha and Clint were chatting with Phil who was showing them some new designs Tony probably came up with for their weapons and suits.

The only ones that wasn't present was Vision and the Maximoffs.

Nick took a seat at the table, drawing their attention. "Alright. Let's get this show on the road. Stark, how's the system running along?"

"Just fine. Banner and I are still working on some tweets to it. Should be ready in a few days."

"Alright. So the last mission, Hill. Care to elaborate?"

"Well, as you mentioned before, Sir, the thugs were using the hostages as experimental material for their operation."

"What is up with people wanting to use other people for experiments?", Clint blurted. "It's just so wrong."

"And I'm sure that many feel the same way, Barton. Let's continue.", Fury said.

The meeting lasted for about another ten minutes. The group was now dispersed around the group, doing whatever. Clint and Phil was in one corner chatting endlessly about random things. Anybody who known the two long enough knew they were best friends, Phil being Clint's other best friend next to Natasha.

But not everyone knew that.

The Twins and Vision had walked in the room, the female of the enhanced duo going over to join Natasha in talking and nuzzling Steve's stomach. The soldier had began to blush at the attention. Vision had floated, one of the random things he did, over to Thor.

That left Pietro. The speedster had stopped at the doorway when he spotted Phil and Clint. He noticed how close the two was standing, laughing with one another. His eyes narrowed at the scene. _'Doesn't little bird ever learn?'_ , he thought, stepping further into the room. Sam noticed his glare and wondered what was the matter. "Pietro, are you-"

Natasha tapped his shoulder and pointed over to where the Hawk and Agent stood. He mouthed an 'oh' when he began to realize what was happening. "Someone's in trouble."

They watched when Pietro finally snapped when Phil touched Clint's bare shoulder. They saw a blue blur, Phil taking two steps back, and Clint being pushed against a wall. "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Pietro turned to Phil. "This little archer is mine. Hear me? MINE! M-I-N-E!"

Phil just stared at him. "First Thor, now Pietro. What is about me attracts the anger of jealous guys?"

A few feet away, Nick had sighed before walking out the room to get his twelfth cup of coffee. He rather not stay when Pietro had Clint's legs wrapped around him while he kissed the other senselessly.

* * *

4\. Maria isn't allowed to buy gifts for anyone anymore unless Nick has a say so.

"I HAVE PRESENTS!"

The group looked up from their movie to see Maria walk in with five agent guys carrying various shopping bags. Immediately Clint got up. "Nope. I'm not going through this again."

Maria grabbed him and threw back down in his seat on the couch. "Yes. You're staying."

The archer crossed his arms. When the agent guys left, Maria had began to past out the bags. "Steve, this is for you. Thor had told me some things that might happen during your pregnancy and I thought this might help." The blond soldier looked inside the bag and blushed. "He told you about that?!" When glared at, the thunder wielder paled. "Um..." Steve was giving him that 'You're gonna die or sleep on the couch tonight' look before the brunette agent handed him his second bag. He looked inside and pulled out a blue plaid long body pillow. "A more sane gift. Thanks, Maria."

"You're welcome."

"What the hell is with you girls and buying me strange gifts?!" The group turned to see Clint holding up a pair of handcuffs. "Seriously, Maria?! I'm going to shoot you!"

Pietro smirked, leaning over to Clint and putting an arm around his waist. "Well, looks as if Maria had the right idea." Said agent chuckled. "Oops. Actually this is meant for," She took the handcuffs and switched Sam's bag with them, "Sam. I had something else for you."

Clint opened the bag and saw it to be a dark purple and black leather outfit. "Okay. But this better not be for sex."

"Nope. A new uniform."

Sam looked at the handcuffs in his hands. "Um... is this for...?"

"Yup. I think you and Bucky should explore some things in that department." Sam blushed as Bucky this time placed his arm around his waist. "We're going to definitely explore." The Falcon sighed. "This is so embarrassing."

"At least you didn't get pink gun holsters.", Nat mumbled, holding up said items.

Meanwhile!

"It's official. She's corrupted." Fury could only glare at the pink and purple heart printed eye-patch on his desk.

* * *

5\. They're not allowed to test out any new equipment or weapons without anyone's say so.

"Run and duck! Run and duck!", Tony blurted as he flew, dodging bullets being shot at him. Sam, below him, huffed. "If that's directed to me because my wing is busted then go fuck yourself, Stark!"

Tony just rolled his eyes behind his helmet. "Just giving some advice!"

Natasha dodged a thug, punching him in the stomach before knocking him out with a swift kick to the face. "Not the time for an agrument, boys.", she reminded as she kicked another dude. She turned in time to see Wanda slam five of the guys with her powers against a wall. "How many more?"

"From where I am? I got to say about twenty more guys. Whatever package he has, it must be really valuable and important for him to have this many guys.", Clint said from his perch. He shot one guy without much of a glance before standing. "Pietro, go find him.", he said through their comm. link. Over it, he heard a chuckle. "Oh? Is that an order, my bird?"

"Don't make me shoot you in the legs."

"Okay!" One the other side of the building, Pietro ran through the halls, finding any room where their villain could be hiding. It took him a while, but he found him. Rushing back to meet the others, he carried him to their rendezvous point. "Alright, I got him.", he announced, placing the other down. The man growled at him. "I'm going to kill you. All of you.", he threatened. Tony sighed. "Yeah. Yeah. Tell to the man that's about to kill you, Levinson."

Said man huffed. Natasha had handcuffed him before looking at him. "Tell us where's all the stolen merchandise is." Levinson just laughed. "Like I would say. You're never going to get it out of me."

"Alright." Nat stepped back, gesturing to Wanda. "Do your thing." Wanda nodded before her eyes brightened into a red. Levinson began to panic, but Wanda got inside his mind. "It's an underground storage room. It's closed by a steel door with a padlock. We're going to need a password."

"Which you're not getting out of me.", Levinson said. Before anyone could retort, there was a whirring sound. "That's not necessary." The group turned to see Maria wielding a rather large firearm. The inside of it was glowing a bright blue. "I got a key."

"Isn't that the new...?", Tony started. Maria nodded. "Yup!"

"I told her it hasn't been tested yet!", Bruce shouted as he jogged up. Maria began to go inside the building, finding her way to the underground bunker. The group followed her.

"Maria, if Bruce says it hasn't been tested-"

"It will be fine, Clint!", the brunette interrupted. She aimed the gun at the steel door and shot out a blue blast when the group found it. Sadly it only left a dent in the door, but some heat roaming through the hall. "Shit. I'm trying another shot."

"No! Try this!" The group turned to see Phil come with a laser cannon gun in his hands with some agents behind him. Bruce gasped. "That hasn't been tested either! Coulson, don't-!"

Too late. Phill shot the laser weapon, making a deep cut in the door. "Hm. How about we try shooting them both at the same time?" Maria nodded. "Let's!"

"NO! DON'T DO IT!" Again, he was ignored. Phil and Maria aimed at the door and fired.

Later at the HQ!

"What the hell happened?" The group walked into the building, all covered in dust and ash with bruises. Some of their hair looked burnt, too. Even Tony's armor was covered and dented. Wanda coughed, letting out a dusty puff of air. "Maria... Phil... untested weapons...", she wheezed.

Fury looked at the said agents. "Eager?"

"Itching for it, boss.", they answered.

* * *

6\. They're not allowed to have anything sugary before meetings.

Fury looked about the room, noticing that Phil and Maria weren't present at the moment. "Hm. Wonder where they could be."

"I saw them last in the kitchen, Director. Something about bringing some refreshments.", Thor commented, placing his hand on Steve's stomach. Fury shrugged. "Alright. Well, while we wait, let's talk about-"

BOOM!

The group turned to see Phil and Maria standing at the door, bright smiles on their faces and cups of coffee in their hands. "WE'RE HERE!", they announced. Fury groaned. "Don't tell me..."

"What's up, Director N.F.?", Maria asked, flopping down on his lap and rubbing his head. "Is your morning going swell?"

"It was."

"Well, it's about to get even better!", Phil shouted. He ran over to Steve and nuzzled his hair. "You're my favorite person ever.", he admitted. Steve chuckled nervously while Thor didn't look amused at all. "I believe I am." The agent giggled before going over to Clint, Pietro already in his possessive mood. "Guess what?" The archer sighed, leaning back in his chair. "What, Phil?"

"You're my best friend. I like you. But your quick ass boyfriend, not so much. He yelled at me thinking I'm trying to steal you. Trust me, if I wanted you, I would have had you long ago. We would be married by now."

Pietro was about to retort to that, but Maria jumped on the table. "We should totally have a singing contest! Bruce, you go first!" Said doctor yelped. "What? Me? Maria, that's not a good idea. I can't sing!"

"A lot of peeps believe they can't. But they turn out to be awesome singers! Now get up here! Stark, play that funky music!" Stark stood. "Okay, what the hell did you two have?", he asked. Phil, back to nuzzling Steve's hair, answered. "Well, we had some extra sugar in our coffees and then we ate some of these cookies we found in the fridge. They had a note with them. Um... I don't remember what it said though."

Maria suddenly gasped. She pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket and slammed it on the table. Which made everyone jump. She then sipped her coffee and began to read the note. _**"Uh... to the Agents of Shield. I made these cookies for you all to enjoy. Please be courteous of others and take only one or two. Steve Rogers."**_

Everyone turned to said blonde. "No wonder why they're fucking hyper! They ate your cookies! First, Loki! Now, Hill and Coulson! What the hell do you put in those cookies?! Drugs?!", Fury exclaimed. Steve glared at him, hormonal changes kicking in. "Director, as the ancient Tibetan philosophy states: don't start none, won't be none."

"A Tibetan philosopher said that?", Natasha questioned. "Let's Google it!", Phil suggested, taking Bucky's laptop from him. That made the Winter Soldier upset since he enjoying a game of Solitaire. "Hey! Coulson, give me back from fucking laptop! I was winning that game!"

Everyone began to question the baking of Steve's cookies and the true amount of sanity of Maria and Phil.

* * *

 **So I threw in a reference in there. It was another character Chris Evans played that said, "As the ancient Tibetan philosophy states: don't start none, won't be none".**

 **Bonus points to those that can guess who! Here's a hint, the dude is NOT, I repeat, NOT in a Marvel movie. NOT IN A MARVEL MOVIE!**

 **Anyways... the next chapter... Nick Fury... last one...**

 **Review!**


	15. DIRECTOR NICK FURY!

**The Things We Banned Nick to Do!**

 **Here's the final chapter! And the chapter that you've been waiting for!**

 **"The Things We Banned Nick to Do!"**

 **Let me just say I had did a lot of thinking for this chapter, but here's the end result! Hope you like it.**

 **Added Disclaimer: I own Leia, but nobody else. Well, except the Thundershield unborn baby. So yes. Just the Thundershield unborn baby and Leia. As for who she is you'll see.**

 **I'm sad to that this is the last chapter of this. *sighs* Heartaches and pain. Well, it was fun!**

 **Onward to our final victim, the banner (and not Bruce!) of things...!**

* * *

15 - DIRECTOR NICK FURY!

1\. Fury's not allowed to bring his niece to the HQ anymore.

When Phil entered the Hellicarrier, he already felt a shiver down his spine. It was a feeling he wasn't familiar with. But he knew it was a bad feeling.

"COULSON!"

The man turned to see Maria walking up to him, a tablet in her hands. "Fury's asking for you." Phil nodded, following his female counterpart. The duo made it to the meeting room, finding Fury in there with another. It was a young female, probably the age of 16 years old. She was a tad bit lighter than Fury himself with dark curls cut to her shoulders. Her eyes were a dark hazel color. She wore black skinny jeans, heeled ankle boots, and a black turtleneck short sleeved shirt. They noticed she had black markings going around her right and left wrists. She looked like a model with feminine sharp features, but deadly dangerous.

"Sir.", Maria announced. Fury and the female turned to see them. "Ah. Hello, Hill. Coulson." Phil nodded in greeting. "Director. Who's this?", he asked, gesturing to the female. Fury looked at her, and back to Coulson. "This is-"

"I can't believe it you would say that, Tony! Look what you did!"

"I'm sorry, Nat! I forgot how emotional Stevie can get sometimes now! I forgot how pregnancy affects his hormones!"

The four turned to see the team enter the room. Steve was in Thor's arms crying while Natasha and Tony went at it back and forth. The others watched in amusement and concern. "What's going on?", Maria asked. Wanda pointed at Tony. "He did it."

"What did he do?"

"Tony had got mad at Steve for eating his special almond and chocolate cake... and called him fat for it. Momentarily, forgetting Steve's pregnancy.", Vision answered. The girl standing next to Fury made a soft sound before walking over to Tony. He stopped agruing with Natasha to stare at the girl. "Um..."

SLAP!

Everyone stilled in surprise at the girl from slapping Tony. She glared. "Next time, take in consideration for him. Pregnant people are very sensitive about how they look. Besides, you should be willing to share your cake. Be nice.", the girl warned with a deadly tone. She then went over to Steve, who had now stopped crying. "Hey, you're beautiful the way you are. You're not fat; you're carrying life! Some people wish they could do that. You're one of the lucky ones. Besides, I'm sure the father appreciates you carrying your baby. It's a blessing. And look on the bright side, you're glowing.", she said in a more gentle tone. Steve had immediately stopped the waterworks, now wearing a smile. "Thank you."

"No problem." The girl then went over to one of the chairs at the table and sat down in it. She crossed her legs and arms, giving the group a smirk. Fury gave a similar smirk. "Avengers, I'd like to introduce you to Leia Fury.", he said.

"Nick's niece.", now introduced Leia added. The group stared between the two with shock written on each of their faces. "Your niece?!", Clint exclaimed. Leia nodded. "Yup. On my dad's side."

"She popped in for a visit.", Fury said, walking over to his niece's side. "Ah. What a lovely thing to do.", Thor commented. Leia just grinned even more.

Later!

In the gym, Clint and Natasha were having their usual sparring sessions. Pietro and Wanda watched, Bruce working out on the bench. The archer dodged a swing from Nat, grabbing her torso and flipping her over his shoulder. The redhead countered it, going between his legs and pinning him down just as Leia walked in. "Sparring?", she asked, gesturing to the surrendering Clint who was in a headlock by Nat's legs. "Yup.", the female ex-assassin said as she got up. Leia crossed her arms. "Hm. Let me take a turn."

Natasha shrugged. "Sure. Against me?"

"Definitely." Leia stepped forward cracking her knuckles. Clint went over to the twins. "Nat's going to lay her on her ass." Pietro nodded, putting his arms around the archer's shoulders. "Probably."

They were proven wrong in seconds. Leia had quickly dodged Nat's kick, managing to get the older in a body lock. The darker female's arms were locked around Natasha's shoulders, her hands pressing the back of the other's head. Her legs were tightened around Natasha's torso. The older woman grunted at the pain, tapping on Leia's leg. "I give! I give!" Bruce had stopped exercising to stare at the two in amazement. "Wow."

Much later!

The group were now back at the Tower, laying about in the den. Natasha and Pietro was sprawled out on the floor and couch as Clint and Wanda patched up their bruises. "I can't believe it. She actually beat both of you.", the female twin admitted, wrapping Pietro's bicep. The platinum blonde huffed. "I can't believe it either."

"You're not the only ones she showed off to. She beat Bucky in an arm wrestle!", Sam exclaimed. "And he was using his metal arm." Bucky growled. "Wench."

"She actually beat Thor in a poptart eating contest.", Steve said. Thor sighed in defeat, but with some satisfaction. "She's a mighty warrior."

"And a good prankster.", Clint smiled. "I like her."

"I don't.", Tony hissed, remembering the slap he got earlier. Bruce awed, kissing him softly. "It's alright, Tony. I mean she made up for it when she helped us in the lab." The Arc holder shrugged. "Right. But he shouldn't bring her around for a while."

Somewhere else!

"Think they'll warm up to me, Uncle?" Fury looked down at the younger one, grinning. He patted her back as they went to the car. "They really don't have a choice."

* * *

2\. He's not allowed to bring weapons into public places.

It was a relatively normal day for the man. Fury wasn't in usual trenchcoat outfit. Instead, he wore dark blue jeans and a dark navy and a dark grey open hoodie. At the moment, he was in a coffee shop, waiting in line for his coffee and muffins. Unfortunately, it was going to be a while before he gets it.

The line had at least four people in it, but the very first one was taking his sweet time ordering. It was a man in his mid thirties with dark red hair, clearly dyed. He was staring down at the counter menu in silent. It was a while before he spoke. "I think I'll have... no. Give me a minute."

The woman behind the counter just shrugged. The man bit his lip, humming to himself a bit. "Okay. I want... no. Not good for my diet." At the back, Nick growled under his breath. The man spoke up again after ten minutes. "Alright."

Nick's hope actually was brought up, but as usually, it was brought down again. "I want... no. You know what? I really don't know what I want."

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT!"

Everybody ducked when Nick pulled out his gun and placed it to the man's head, pushing the other two waiting customers on the floor. "YOU WANT TO FUCKING ORDER SOME MOTHERFUCKING COFFEE OR GET THE FUCK OUT THIS SHOP! WHICH ONE, MOTHERFUCKER?!"

"I'M OUT!" The man ran out the shop. Fury placed his gun back. After a few seconds, he turned to the other two customers that were waiting in the line. "You want to order?", he asked, much more calmly. They shook their heads. "N-no. You can go ahead."

A few minutes later, Nick Fury walked out happily with his coffee and some free muffins.

* * *

3\. Or his niece.

"I don't need no parachute, baby if I got you. You're gonna catch me. You're gonna catch me if I fall. Down, down, down."

"Lee-Lee, please stop singing. Despite your gift, I don't need Cheryl stuck in my head right now."

"Sorry, Uncle." Leia followed Nick out his car, walking with him into a restaurant. They walked into the place, getting into the line. In one of the stalls was Thor, Loki, and Steve. Loki had looked up from his menu and recognized the Director. "Isn't that Fury?" The couple looked up, following the other's line of vision. "Yup."

"Who is the young lady accompanying him?"

"His niece. She's a quite the warrior, brother! She had defeated Lady Natasha in a sparring!", Thor bellowed. Steve giggled at his enthusaism while Loki stared at Leia with wide eyes. "Wow."

"It's a bit shocking. Took Nat a while to get over it.", Steve said. The trio continued to watch Leia and Nick, wondering what they were going to do. When it was their turn to order, a young couple jumped in front of them. "Excuse me, but we were here first.", the brunette girl said, turning to the man behind the counter. "Yeah, I would like-"

"HELLA NO!" Leia growled, grabbing the other girl by her hair and putting her in a body lock. "OW! OW! OW! LET ME GO!"

"BITCH, I WAS HERE BEFORE YOU!", Leia hissed. The girl's boyfriend stepped forward. "Hey, let her go!" Nick pulled out a taser, pointing at him. Seeing the taser made Thor shiver. "Step the fuck back or I'll tase you so hard your ancestors will feel it."

Steve watched the commotion, Leia eventually letting the girl go when security came out. "Is that really our boss?", he asked himself. He figured violent actions ran in the Fury family. Across from him, Loki cheered on Nick and Leia as they argued with the security and the couple. He was even prouder when Leia grabbed Nick's taser and tasered the couple and guards within four seconds. "Brother, you are right! She is a mighty warrior! And beautiful!"

* * *

4\. He's not allowed to prank the team.

Tony groaned when the alarm began to blare through his room. For once he actually went to bed and the time he does, there was some emergency.

It took twenty minutes for the team to get ready and go over to the HQ. Each of them was still groggily, except Vision who doesn't sleep, and cranky when they got there. They rushed into the building, Phil frantically escorting them into the meeting room.

When they got in, they noticed that the table had pickle jars aligned on it. Nick stood at one side with a bright smile. "Sir, what's going on? What did you call us for?", Sam, his wings ready for take off.

Fury pointed at the jars. "I called you here for this. Each of you open up a pickle jar. The first one gets 100 bucks." It was silence for a moment before any of them reacted. And the first to react was Steve. "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" Everyone was a bit shocked the all goody-two-shoes Captain America actually cussed. But he had an excuse. He was pregnant, making him even crankier than ever. "YOU CALLED US HERE TO OPEN UP SOME DAMN PICKLE JARS?!"

"Soldier, calm down. It's a training exercise. Besides, I did say I'll give 100 dollars to whoever opens their pickle jar first." The team immediately rushed for the jars, remembering Nick mentioning that. The only ones that wasn't participating was Vision and Steve. Vision just didn't want to, but watched in amusement. Steve was grumbling about his bladder, and rushed to the bathroom. Thor had noticed was opted out when he followed.

Everyone struggled with their pickle jars, not noticing something wasn't right with them.

It took a whole good hour for them to give up. "Okay! I give up!", Pietro sighed, throwing his arms up in defeat. Tony grumbled, flopping down in a chair. "This is stupid! Why can't any of us open them?!" Nick began to laugh, catching their attention. "I'm sorry. But this is why."

He held up a hot glue gun. "I hot glued each jar."

It was a bit of silence again for the info to sink in.

"HE PRANKED US!"

* * *

5\. He's not allowed to use his eye-patch as an excuse for anything.

Fury had woken up in a pretty calm mood. No, not good mood. But calm, which was pretty okay for his standards. He dressed into his usual black trenchcoat outfit after a shower and went out his house to his black van, his vehicle in his Director mood.

He went to the Headquarters, ready for his coffee and to get the day over with.

As he expected, Phil was waiting at the entrance with Maria. The female agent had his coffee while the other had a folder to give him. "The usual. This time in Tibet.", Phil said as they entered the meeting room, the team already there.

Nick nodded. "Alright."

He placed the manila folder down on the table and turned on the screen, a bit bigger than usual. Bruce scrunched his nose. "Um... sir? Why is the screen bigger than usual?", he asked. Fury looked at the screen, then to Bruce, back at the screen, and back at Bruce. He tapped his eye-patch. "I'm technically half-blind. So... yeah."

The team could only stare.

Two days later!

"It's official. Every time we're being shot at multiple times, it reminds me of Budapest."

"Natasha, I thought I said to never bring that place up!"

The duo were taking cover behind a metal storage box within a warehouse. At the moment, they were being shot at by a group of mafia guys. Two of them had machine guns. "We could really use Tony right now.", Clint mumbled, quickly shooting two guys in the chest with his arrows before taking cover again. Natasha nodded. "Right. We could use anybody right now."

There was a sudden whooshing sound. The duo spotted a small missile heading to the enemy guys, making an explosion and knocking them out. Possibly killing some of them.

Their eyes wondered further till they found Nick Fury holding a bazooka. He walked up to them, the duo sighing in relief. "Thank Thor you came, Director. For once, I thought we were goners.", Clint sighed.

Fury smirked, tapping his eye-patch. "My eye-patch senses were tingling."

The next afternoon!

"Sir? I was wondering something."

Fury looked over at Phil who was beside him. They were inside the armory checking the weapons out. It was something that had to be done to make sure no one took a weapon (cough cough Maria and Phil cough cough) and used it for something unnecessary (cough cough Natasha cough cough).

"What were you wondering about, Coulson?", Fury asked, setting down the clipboard in his hands. Phil cleared his throat. "Well... how did you become Director? You were ranked up for being a SHIELD agent for years? Rescued the previous Director? What is it?"

The darker man chuckled. "It was my eye-patch."

* * *

6\. He's not allowed to sneak up on people or come unannounced. Especially couples.

Thor had found himself entering the living room, finding Steve in there watching some movie. He took interest in the screen when there was a large scorpion appearing on the screen and eating some guy. "Love, what are partaking to watching?", the thunder user asked as he took a seat next to Steve and putting his arm around his waist. "I'm watching 'Clash of the Titans'. Tony suggest I should watch it.", Steve answered, getting comfortable in Thor's embrace.

The couple continue to watch the movie, once in a while Thor commenting on the portrayal of the Greek gods. Or admiring Perseus' fighting skills and attitude.

It wasn't until the credits began to roll that the couple started to get... intimate. Steve stretched his body against Thor's, yawning just a bit. "You know, I could really go for a nice massage before I go take a nap.", he whispered seductively. Thor smirked, placing his hand on Steve's stomach. "Oh? And where do you desire to be touch, my angel?", he asked huskily. The shorter blonde brought the other closer. "I would desire to be touched-"

"That movie was awesome."

"Ah!" The couple jumped in alarm at the voice, Steve punching Thor in the nose. Realizing what he had done, Steve quickly turned to Thor. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit you."

"That had to hurt." The blonde turned to see Fury sitting in one of the chairs with a grin on his face. Blue eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?! You were not sitting there about an hour ago!"

"I've been here for the past ten minutes, Rogers. I also came to see how the baby was doing.", Fury answered, not shaken by the anger in the super soldier's tone. Steve huffed, calming down a bit. "The baby's just fine, Director. Bruce gave me a check-up some time earlier." He then turned back to his future husband, seeing that now Thor was rocking red nose. "Oh, honey. I didn't mean to punch you. You're not bleeding, are you?", he asked, turned Thor's head up to inspect the injury. Thor just a sniffle before shaking his head. "No, my angel. I'm just fine. But I must say you hold much might in your swing."

Steve sighed.

A little later, Clint was just coming from the training room, heading off to his room to shower and take a nap. When he came into his room, he found Pietro sitting on the bed, his arms and legs crossed with a grin on his face. "I see you've been working out recently, my little bird.", the speedster teased.

Clint frowned. "Don't you have a twin to go bother?"

"She went shopping with Natasha. Besides, I think I rather bother my little bird at the moment." The older sighed, placing his gym towel on his chair and heading to his private bathroom. "Whatever. I'm going to go take a shower." Pietro sped to his front, blocking his way. "Can I join?" Clint blushed at the question. "Pietro... no."

"Or I can at least wash you myself? Or undress you?" Clint refused to let out a moan from the sultry tone. "No! You pervert!" Pietro ignored the shout and drew his hand up Clint's shirt, bringing it to the small of his back. "I may be a pervert, but I'm your pervert." Before the older could retort, Pietro kissed him, drawing his tongue inside the other's mouth. Clint moaned, snaking his arms around Pietro's neck.

The kissing had then quickly escalated into some more touching and then Clint being thrown onto his bed. Pietro pulled off his shirt, before pulling Clint by his ankles towards him when he tried to get off the bed. Apparently, he forgotten how much faster the younger was.

"No no no, little bird. You're not going anywhere." Pietro drew Clint in for another kiss, his fingers lingering lower to...

"Hey, Barton! I have another- WHOA!"

The couple parted quickly. Well, more so Clint pushing off Pietro. The couple turned to see Fury standing at the doorway with a folder in his hands, leaning against the frame. "You know, Barton, I'm still surprised you and the kid actually hooked up." Clint blushed, making his appearance even more disheveled and flustered. Pietro, on the other hand, smirked, crossing his arms over his bare chest. "He was a little hard to persuade at first. Eventually, he couldn't resist."

"I can see that."

Clint had leaped off the bed, straightening his shirt out a bit, before glaring at the Director. "You could've knocked, you know! There's a door for a reason!" Fury glared back. "Well, if you two weren't so horny you would have noticed it was open!"

"Well, next time announce yourself, sir!"

"What's going on in here?" The trio turned to see Bruce with a mixed expression of confusion and concern on his face. A blush was added when he saw a shirtless Pietro and a somewhat flustered and angered Clint. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something here!", he quickly added as he stepped out the room. When he was gone, Pietro had let out a chuckle. "He's adorable. I'm sure Stark loves it. Ow!"

The speedster turned to glare at Clint who had his arms crossed. "You're not allowed to call anyone else adorable. Also, put back on your shirt."

"You know you like me shirtless." The Director sighed loudly, reminding them of his presence. "I'm still here."

"Feel free to leave. I mean no one _invited_ you to come in.", Clint reminded. The two shared a death glare contest, Pietro looking back and forth between them. He began to worry for the safety of themselves and others.

* * *

7\. And finally, he's not allowed to ban the team from doing anything anymore!

Fury couldn't believe it. He just couldn't even fathom the idea of this. Not in a million years. "What the hell is this?", he asked, glaring up at the team. Tony scoffed, rolling his eyes. "It's a request. You did say if we had any concerns or requests feel free to inform you."

"Stark, I'll blast you in the ass."

"Sir, maybe that should be added, too."

In Fury's hand was a piece of paper with contents written on it.

 _ **By the agreement of the Avengers and companions, we have requested for the banishment of Director Nicolas Fury's authority to banishing the forlorn activities of the members of the said team.**_

That was the one sentence that stuck out to Fury.

"So... let me get this straight for one motherfucking minute. You're telling me you're banning me from banning you from doing things?"

Everyone nodded. Including Rhodey, Pepper, Phil and Maria. Fury's glare heated. "I'm not agreeing to this."

"You're going to have to one way or another.", Steve threatened his blue eyes becoming darker than ever. Tony and Rhodey had stepped back, refusing to be in the middle of a pregnant soldier's rage. But Fury being the badass he was, he was in no way backing down.

"Well, I choose option number three. I'm not agreeing to it."

Steve growled. Thor sensed the anger rising and placed his hands on his future spouse's shoulders. "Angel, maybe you should-" Thor was interrupted with Steve throwing himself over Fury's desk. Fury dodged him, still holding onto the piece of paper. "FUCK THIS REQUEST!", he shouted, tearing the paper. That just pissed Steve off more. "I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"

"BRING IT ON!"

The blonde moved forward to attack as did Fury. Both were being held back by two people. Maria and Phil for Nick and Thor and Bucky for Steve. The two tried kicking and struggling out of the holds but no use.

"Director! You're going to fight a pregnant man?!", Maria asked in disbelief. "Oh I wasn't going to fight him... I was going to lay him out on his ass!"

"Fuck you!"

"Steven!", Thor scowled. The shorter blonde grumbled in response. "He has to die! He has to!"

"Steve, that's the hormones talking! Think of the little bun in the oven!", Bucky exclaimed. Steve had slowly calmed down, still glaring at Fury. "... hate you."

"Likewise. And for that, I'm banning you all from banning me from banning you from doing certain things."

Leia had chosen that moment to walk into the room to witness utter chaos.

"I'm going to need some caffeine."

* * *

 **And that's the end of it! It was fun while it lasted. Really fun.**

 **Really, really fun.**

 **Loved it? Hate it?**

 **Review!**


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